Hey! I made the edits on the eleventh hour, this week just flew by. For self-editing I focused on the flow of the story, adding the MC name, more of her inner thoughts, and rearranged few sentences to make it smoother overall. And of course corrected any spelling/grammar errors. Also, managed to add two more lines at the end of the story and still reach 1000 words.
SMOKE AND FOG - self-edited draft
The monotonous lull of the rain drops thundering atop my roof and the earthy scent wrapped me in a warm blanket of memories. Memories were painful now that I was far, far away from the ones who jumped in the puddles with me and the ones who dried my hair after I'd become fully drenched.
My groggy eyes opened to the dim light of the cabin. The candle had burned low. How long was I asleep? I thought. I stretched my frail limbs, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed when the pungent burning smell struck my senses.
Nutmeg!
I jumped of the bed shaking its wooden frame, my anklets chimed in sync with my footsteps as I hopped to the counter where a concoction gently bubbled. It was a tonic to cure insomnia. Made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg. It was as popular with the veil-dwellers as it was with humans. The crushed nutmeg had burnt to the core. Grunting, I dumped the contents away, taking a new batch of whole nutmeg to grind and then to smoke. The wind howled - a wailing cry that rattled my bones.
I lit another candle and went toward the only shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind, its door swinging wildly toward the outside. I breathed the petrichor and smiled absent mindedly. Why did I feel more alone during rainy days? The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The night was quickly consuming the ever-changing colors of dusk. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face and memory of my mum resurfaced, Aarohi, you'll get sick in the rain!
Just before I closed the window, I saw a glint of sharp flaming eyes. This time it belonged to a cat with fur dark as coal. Every day, during dusk some animal would be perched near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. I had eventually realized these animals were from beyond the veil - and they weren't animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn. All had the same unblinking orange eyes.
"Do you want to come in?" I yelled at the cat, above the sound of the rain. I waited few moments before closing the window. Same as the all the animals who stood there before, this cat didn't move a muscle and continued its steady stare. Mum's voice rang in my head. Dear, you must never, ever look or stray outside when its dusk or dawn!
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared, superstitious and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil - the veil that becomes the thinnest during dusk or dawn.
I wiped my face and returned to my counter. Working methodically, I gathered the ingredients from the many shelves that lined a whole wall of the room.
The sight not only gave me the ability to see the veil-dweller but also to cure ailments by perfectly tailoring the tonic by added a bit of the person's hair, nail or a bit of their blood. This made me the finest herbalist in the whole village - both in the human realm and beyond the veil.
The sight also made me hang out with dead children and have animal spirits as pets when I was younger, although I'm not able to cross over to their realm. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock thundered at my door making me flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded and I called out while re-doing my messy bun, "I'm coming! But enter quickly or the rain will wet the floor!" I fixed my emerald and then opened the door.
A man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather, it had to be a veil-dweller. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair with the towel while his clothes dried on its own accord. Once done, he passed the towel back making eye contact with me. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold. "Thanks", he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
My heart thundered in my ribcage; I had recognized these eyes. They were the same ones from the crow last week, and the cat just now. Darkness rippled from his tan skin. Wait, that isn't darkness, it's black smoke. In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I saw a Djinn in a human-form.
"Uh-um, crazy weather right!" I said awkwardly, "Is there something I can help you with?"
He smiled. "I've been watching you, Aarohi."
With nervous energy, I busied my hands to crush the nutmeg. Why was a Djinn here? A thousand thoughts buzzed my head trying to remember any advice Mum had given me, or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wondered around my house taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the still-warm bed, the table littered with notes and diagrams, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet, engulfing the floor and the walls.
I pursed my lips and spun on my heels. "Have I offended you?"
"You've been calling me to come inside all this time, haven't you?"
With a sinking feeling I remembered my mum's last warning; Always wait for them, never speak to a veil-dweller first or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had, once.
Arms wrapped around my waist. "I've come to take you with me." He whispered.
I remember his smile before darkness erupted around me.
Topic: Second Draft - SMOKE AND FOG (Read 1569 times)