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Messages - SKaeth

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1
Week 1 posts / Re: How to answer writerinmotion.com ??
« on: September 02, 2021, 05:09:19 PM »
Hello! We are between seasons currently for Writer In Motion.

At the bottom of the topic, there should be a REPLY button. Clicking that will lead you to a box where you can type your reply. We have further information here for using the forum: https://writerinmotion.com/WIMForum/index.php?topic=24.0

2
Week 1 posts / Re: How to create a topic at writerinmotion.com ??
« on: September 02, 2021, 05:08:06 PM »
Hello! We are between seasons currently for Writer In Motion.

We have further information here for using the forum: https://writerinmotion.com/WIMForum/index.php?topic=24.0


3
Week 1 posts / Re: Where is Administration writerinmotion.com ??
« on: September 01, 2021, 07:49:02 PM »
DM sent!

4
Week 1 posts / Re: Where is Administration writerinmotion.com??
« on: August 27, 2021, 04:55:40 PM »
DM sent!

5
Hello, all of you amazing writers! I've loved following along with your progress on all of your stories. It's been amazing to see the changes and what stays the same!

This is the editor week for Summer 2021 Writer In Motion, and you should have gotten an email with your editor assignments. Please make sure to get your stories to your editors as soon as possible (if you haven't already), and if you need anything, contact your editor to ask for an accommodation. If you haven't gotten your editor assignment, check to make sure your spam folder didn't eat it, and if it's not there, let us know!

I'm looking forward to seeing all of the final drafts!

6
Announcements & Guidelines / Re: Como se llamo esto
« on: July 22, 2021, 10:14:19 PM »
Welcome! Glad you found us!

AdBlocker will be on your side, in your browser's settings or preferences, probably. It's a browser add-on, so you'll want to turn it off if it's affecting your ability to see the site.

However, you should be able to see our site and forum without any ads. If you are seeing ads, your computer might have a virus. It might be good to get it checked out by a professional.

Hope that helps!

S. Kaeth

7
Tacos & Beverages / Re: Tacos!
« on: September 13, 2020, 11:31:44 AM »
Don't forget! Taco Party today at 3pm Eastern!

Here's the link for the Zoom meeting: https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86754893455

8
Announcements & Guidelines / End of Season Announcements for WIM 2020!
« on: September 03, 2020, 07:59:05 PM »
I hope you all had a great time and maybe even learned some things, gathered some new confidence, and/or found more friends to add to your cheering squad!

As we come to the end of this season, we want to invite you all to a few things.

First, did you see the note for the taco party? I hope you can come join us. Feel free to come and go anytime during the time of the party as you need/desire.

Taco Party: Sunday 9/13 at 3:00pm Eastern on Zoom, open to all Writer In Motion writers! Come for tacos, stay for community! (BYOT!)

Secondly, don?t miss out on being the first to learn about the next season of Writer In Motion! Early notice gives you time to grab your friends and haul them along for the ride. Sign up for the Writer In Motion newsletter here: https://writerinmotion.us17.list-manage.com/subscribe?u=efb35e63aecaf6b05125b4091&id=078c493913

Finally, we would love to hear your thoughts on your experience of Writer In Motion! Take the survey here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdMohcR9-8vMeUQq3aFSATmetUPLbS2pEmkHktOcu5HNX2Qwg/viewform

9
Week 4 posts / Space Goats Final Draft
« on: September 02, 2020, 04:11:01 PM »
Check it out here: https://www.skaeth.com/?p=626 ! Or, I'll post it below. I had a great time as usual, and all my CPs were amazing! It was great to work with each of you, from both rounds!
Quote
I had some great help on this round too! My CPs gave me wonderful things to think about. Dan Koboldt had a great point about strengthening the overall arc, but I ran out of words. While technically I can go over 1000 words now that this is the final draft, I try to stick to it anyway in the spirit of the challenge. I could have altered some of the thoughts of Goat in the beginning, but I felt like that would give a different tone and character to Goat than what I was going for.
SM Roffey gave me some of those words though, pointing out a sentence I could cut, and Kim B wanted more detail of the inside of the building, so I used my 9 extra words there instead with some worldbuilding.
Beyond those changes though, it was mostly necessary nitpicks. People still suggested changes to ?Not following orders? so I finally fixed that, but I kept my ?full with leaves? because ?full of leaves? doesn?t work for me and I couldn?t come up with something better. The hazards of editing power-sessions: now my worder needs a break.
But I really enjoy my little Space Goats, and I am pleased to present my final draft, complete at 996 words:

Quote
You sproing through the scraggly bushes that cling to the hill, muzzle raised to the cool breeze. Alien scents wash over you, so different from the ship?s sterile, recycled air. The trees are full with leaves, and the sky is blue above the darker bruising of the distant mountains.
It?s rather disappointing. Shouldn?t alien planets be more, well, alien? 
And there?s a blocky, artificial structure right at the top of the hill, not even trying to hide. Training exercises are supposed to be hard, aren?t they? Otherwise what?s the point? It?s all dreadfully boring, so you stretch your neck out, rising on the tips of your back hooves to reach a long-hanging branch and nibble at the twigs there. It?s against the Code, but who?s gonna tell on you? Cow? Cow?s not here. She?ll be in the building that?s clearly where you?re meant to go, waiting for you to show up for your briefing.
But you?re on an alien planet! Simmering underneath the disappointment, excited energy thrums through your bones. The grass isn?t made of crystal, and the sky?s not green, but it?s still a completely new ball of rock hurtling through space, and you?ve actually done it. You?re a Space Goat and nothing can take that away from you.
All you need to complete the day is a nice glass of wine, the fruitier the better.
Oh, and to finish your mission, you suppose.
You can hear the Whale as distinctly as you did when he stood in front of you, a scowl on his long face. ?This mission is simple. You?ll be Dropped on an alien planet. First, use your head to find your assigned mentor, who will have the Matter Transportation Device. They?ll brief you on a short excursion, and upon your return, you?ll both Matt back up to the ship.?
Look for clues, for anything out of place, of course. Like the glaringly obvious building.
Your hooves squish in the springy turf, and the mountains rise and fall behind the apex of the hill with each bouncing leap. Going directly toward the building would be boring. You?ll go around it first?scouting. That?s right. Totally being responsible.
A breeze whips past and you pause, your eyes half closing as you filter the new smells and try to guess what they are. Plants. Air. Smoke. Smoke?s a little concerning, but it?s only a whiff, so it?s probably pretty far aw?
Something slams into you, lifting you off your hooves. You skid across the rocky ground on your side. Dust in your eyes makes them water. Your heart hammers faster than it did during your first spacewalk, and you scramble to your hooves.
Cougar stands a meter away, his fangs a flash of white as he smiles. ?Disregarding orders again, Goat??
What?s he doing out here? You glance at the building, where Cow would be waiting. It?s too far. Cougar will outrun you.
He prowls a step closer. ?This is a training exercise. You and I weren?t supposed to meet like this. If you had followed orders, we wouldn?t have.?
?You wouldn?t hurt me. Not really.? Too bad fear makes your voice high-pitched and bleaty.
?Accidents sometimes happen in training exercises.? He sits, inspecting his claws.
You flick your tail. You won?t bow to the threats he?s tossing about. You?re the first Goat to make it onto the Whale?s Space Teams. And even if this planet seemed boring at first, it?s your very first alien planet! You?re not about to let the chance to explore end here in the cruel claws of a Cougar bully.
You dig your small hooves into the ground and lower your head, dropping to all fours. A flicker of surprise lights Cougar?s eyes as you spring forward. You crash horns-first into his side, the same way he?d knocked you over just a few moments ago. Spinning around, you charge for the top of the hill, for safety. Cougar won?t be happy you hit him, but all you have to do is make it to the tiny, square-sided building before he does.
The soft dirt slows you, giving no easy hoof-holds as you scramble up the hillside. Hot breath on your flanks urges you to move faster, and you skid around the side of the building, panting for air.
Where?s the door? Where?s the door? Cougar?s gonna get you before you can find the entrance to this dirty, unassuming building, and on your very first mission. That?d be mortifying.
The door gleams, white metal in the sunlight, and you lunge for it, scrabbling with the knob. It was obviously not made for hoofed-species. He?s coming and you don?t have time to wrestle with a space-junked door! You kick it, then lower your head and head-butt it.
It lurches open and you stumble inside. Your hooves slow of their own accord. You stare around, gaping. The interior is an enormous cavern. A cool grey banister stands two meters in front of you, separating you from the rest of the colossal space, while ramps of bustling Geckos, Mice, and Tamarins spiral deeper into the mountain beneath you. A Bat whisks past you toward the ceiling, carrying a basket. Everything is lit with warm yellow bulbs, and flashes of colorful doors amidst the shadowy grays accent the interior. This is more like it.
One floor below you, Cow waits, tapping her hoof. ?How?d the Goat do??
Your mouth works, but nothing comes out. Who was she talking to?
Behind you, a velvet voice has no trouble finding words. ?Off-script, and with a literal meaning for ?using your head.??
 Your eyes flick from Cougar to Cow and back again. This was all a setup?
Cougar grins at you. ?What, cat got your tongue??
?What?? you squeak.  Normally you?re much wittier, you swear.
Cow shakes her head. ?I needed to teach you an important lesson before we get to our primary objective.? Her bovine face turns serious. ?Never judge a planet by its drop site.?

10
Tacos & Beverages / Tacos!
« on: August 27, 2020, 09:47:57 PM »
Announcing this season's Taco Party! We hope you can join us!

 :taco: :dragon:  :heart: :taco:


11
Week 3 posts / Space Goats Week Three
« on: August 21, 2020, 09:27:41 PM »
I finished my edits from my wonderful CPs! You can check it out here: https://www.skaeth.com/?p=608

Or, as usual, I have it copied and pasted below.

Wow, this week has been full! I got some great feedback from my CPs though, and am working on my edits on Space Goats!
Both my CPs had great suggestions, and it was a matter of selecting which I could pull off in 1,000 words while keeping the voice I had going!
As usual, I read through the feedback right away and let it sit, though this time life conspired to pull me away for most of the week, so hopefully my subconscious got in some good mulling over!
After compiling the comments I wanted to act on (none of the compliments, though they are so kind and good to know!) into Scrivener, I had a clear plan.
Look at all that highlighting on my clean manuscript! That?s all making it better!
Most of the comments were smaller things, though I also received some great notes about characterization and continuity. I threw out comments that would alter the voice too much or turn things that were reflexive into active things (and vice versa), even though they were great comments as general advice. Melissa had great thoughts on changing line breaks for emphasis, which was cool, and it?s always fun to see where people agree on comments (no one disagreed this time, though that?s also fun!).
I decided to stubbornly keep some things, like my ?full with leaves? even though it?s a bit archaic. I like my archaic phrasings, lol. If my next round of CPs also marks it though, I might cave.
I did get caught with muddiness regarding four legs or two, and when the Goat switches and why, so I tried to clear that up. Was the Goat normally on four legs and rose up to nibble the branch, or normally on two legs? Was it the rising up on two legs that was against the Code, or nibbling an alien plant?
The other thing I had to think hard about was the line ?Are all planets going to be like this one??. It is a bit clunky, and it?s not strictly necessary. I didn?t like the ideas I had for smoothing it though, so I considered just cutting it. In the end, that?s exactly what I did.
Figuring out the legs issue was a little more involved, but I found I had some extra room so I was able to give more description of the space and Goat?s reactions to the back and forth.

So with no further ado, here is Space Goats, this time with a word count of 985.

Quote
You sproing through the scraggly bushes that cling to the hill, muzzle raised to the cool breeze. Alien scents wash over you, so different from the ship?s sterile, recycled air. The trees are full with leaves, and the sky is blue above the darker bruising of the distant mountains.
It?s rather disappointing. Shouldn?t alien planets be more, well, alien? 
And there?s a blocky, artificial structure right at the top of the hill, not even trying to hide. Training exercises are supposed to be hard, aren?t they? Otherwise what?s the point? It?s all so dreadfully boring, that you stretch your neck out, rising on the tips of your back hooves to reach a long-hanging branch and nibble at the twigs there. It?s against the Code, but who?s gonna tell on you? Cow? Cow?s not here. She?ll be in the building that?s clearly where you?re meant to go, waiting for you to show up for your briefing.
But you?re on an alien planet! Simmering underneath the disappointment, thrums of energy race through your bones. The grass isn?t made of crystal, and the sky?s not green, but it?s still a completely new ball of rock hurtling through space, and you?ve actually done it. You?re a Space Goat and nothing can take that away from you.
All you need to complete the day is a nice glass of wine, the fruitier the better.
Oh, and to finish your mission, you suppose.
You can hear the Whale as distinctly as you did when he was standing in front of you, a scowl on his long face. ?This mission is simple. You?ll be Dropped on an alien planet. First, use your wits to find your assigned mentor, who will have the Matt. They?ll brief you on a short excursion, and upon your return, you?ll both Matt back up to the ship.?
Look for clues, for anything out of place, of course. Like the glaringly obvious building.
Your hooves squish in the springy turf, and the mountains rise and fall behind the apex of the hill with each bouncing leap. Going directly toward the building would be boring. You?ll go around it first?scouting. That?s right. Totally being responsible.
A breeze whips past and you pause, your eyes half closing as you filter the new smells and try to guess what they are. Plants. Air. Smoke. Smoke?s a little concerning, but it?s only a whiff, so it?s probably pretty far aw?
Something slams into you, lifting you off your hooves. You skid across the rocky ground on your side. Dust makes your eyes tear up. Your heart hammers faster than it did during your first spacewalk, and you scramble to your hooves.
Cougar stands a meter away, his fangs a flash of white as he smiles. ?Not following orders again, Goat??
What?s he doing out here? You glance at the building, where Cow would be waiting. It?s too far. Cougar will outrun you.
He prowls a step closer. ?This is a training exercise. You and I weren?t supposed to meet like this. If you had followed orders, we wouldn?t have.?
?You wouldn?t hurt me. Not really.? Too bad fear makes your voice high-pitched and bleaty.
?Accidents sometimes happen in training exercises.? He sits, inspecting his claws.
You flick your tail. You won?t cave to the threats he?s tossing about. You?re the first Goat to make it on the Whale?s Space Teams. And even if this planet seemed boring at first, it?s your very first alien planet! You?re not about to let the chance to explore end here in the cruel claws of a Cougar bully.
You dig your small hooves into the ground and lower your head, dropping to all fours. A flicker of surprise lights Cougar?s eyes as you spring forward. Your horns crash into his side, just as he?d knocked you over just a few moments ago. Spinning around, you charge for the top of the hill, for safety. Cougar won?t be happy you hit him, but all you have to do is make it to the tiny, square-sided building before he does.
The soft dirt slows you, giving no easy hoof-holds as you scramble up the hillside. Hot breath on your flanks urges you to move faster, and you skid around the side of the building, panting for air.
Where?s the door? Where?s the door? Cougar?s gonna get you before you can find the door to this dirty, unassuming building, and on your very first mission. That?d be mortifying.
The door gleams, white metal in the sunlight, and you lunge for it, scrabbling with the knob. It was obviously not made for hoofed-species. Cougar would likely have an easier time with it. He?s coming and you don?t have time to wrestle with a space-junked door! You kick it, then lower your head and head-butt it.
It lurches open and you stumble inside. Your hooves slow of their own accord. You stare around, gaping. The interior is an enormous cavern. A cool grey banister stands two meters in front of you, separating you from the rest of the colossal space, while ramps of bustling workers spiral deeper into the mountain beneath you. Everything is lit with warm yellow bulbs, and flashes of colorful doors amidst the shadowy grays accent the interior. This is more like it.
One floor below you, Cow waits idly. ?How?d the Goat do??
Your mouth works, but nothing comes out.
Behind you, a velvet voice has no trouble finding words. ?Off-script, and with a literal meaning for ?using your head.??
 Your eye flick from Cougar to Cow and back again. This was all a setup?
Cougar grins at you. ?What, cat got your tongue??
?What?? you squeak.  Normally you?re much more witty, you swear.
Cow shakes her head. ?I needed to teach you an important lesson before we get to our primary objective.? Her bovine face turns serious. ?Never judge a planet by its drop site.?

12
Week 2 posts / Re: Beyond Earth - Self Edit Week two
« on: August 15, 2020, 07:24:40 PM »
Best of luck to you, Lex! You're doing great!

13
Week 2 posts / Space Goats Self-edit
« on: August 14, 2020, 02:34:43 AM »
I did my self-edit! I posted it here: https://www.skaeth.com/?p=596 but as usual, will also post below.

The first thing I did was let it sit. I always let stuff sit before editing. My subconscious is able to work on it that way. For this, obviously, there?s not as much marinating time available. Then I did a read through and made note of what I wanted to change:
  • Really get into and sophisticate Goat?s voice. I don?t want Goat to sound like a kid, while preserving Goat?s excitement, spunk, and sass.
  • I want to make sure there are no pronouns associated with Goat. I want Goat to be able to be anyone who feels like Goat.
  • I also want to smooth out the whole reason to be here on this planet, as it got a bit muddy while I was discovering it.
  • See if I can strengthen the arc I have in here.
  • Then line edits, to make sure everything?s as polished as I can make it. Obviously typos, cutting word count, and tightening sentences. Oh, and read aloud!
Once I had everything as good as I could make it, I ran it through AutoCrit. As usual for me, it found some repetitions and I got to think about alternate ways to say things. I love how this word map summarizes my story so well!

I?m pretty happy with Space Goats right now! It clocks in at 991, so I came in comfortably under the word count limit. Have a look:



You sproing through the short bushes that cling to the hill, muzzle raised to the cool breeze. Alien scents wash over you, so much different from the ship?s sterile, recycled air. The trees are full with leaves, and the sky is blue above the darker bruising of the distant mountains. Are all planets going to be like this one?
Frankly, part of you is disappointed. Shouldn?t alien planets be more, well, alien? For another thing, there?s an odd artificial structure right at the top of the hill, not even trying to hide. Training exercises are supposed to be hard, aren?t they, or what?s the point? It?s all so dreadfully boring, you rise up on your back hooves to reach a long-hanging branch and nibble at the twigs there. It?s against the Code, but who?s gonna tell on you? Cow? Cow?s not here. She?ll be in the building that?s clearly where you?re meant to go, waiting for you to show up for your briefing.
But you?re on an alien planet! Simmering underneath the disappointment, thrums of energy race through your bones. The grass isn?t made of crystal, and the sky?s not green, but it?s still a completely new ball of rock hurtling through space and you?ve actually done it. You?re a Space Goat and nothing can take that away from you.
All you need to complete the day is a nice glass of wine, the fruitier the better.
Oh, also and to finish your mission, you suppose.
You can hear the Whale as distinctly as you did when he was standing in front of you, his long face scowling in your memory. ?This mission is simple. You?ll be Dropped on an alien planet. First, use your wits to find your assigned mentor, who will have the Matt. They?ll brief you on a short excursion, and upon your return, you?ll both Matt back up to the ship.?
Look for clues, for anything out of place, of course. Like the glaringly obvious building.
Your hooves squish in the springy turf, and the mountains rise and fall behind the apex of the hill with each bouncing leap. Going directly toward the building would be boring. You?ll go around it first?scouting. That?s right. Totally being responsible.
A breeze whips past and you pause, your eyes half closing as you filter the new smells and try to guess what they are. Plants. Air. Smoke. Smoke?s a little concerning, but it?s only a whiff, so it?s probably pretty far aw?
Something slams into you, lifting you off your hooves. You skid across the rocky ground on your side. Dust makes your eyes tear up. Your heart hammers faster than it did during your first space walk, and you scramble to your hooves.
A Cougar stands a meter away, his fangs a flash of white as he smiles. ?Not following orders, again, Goat??
What?s a Cougar doing out here? You glance at the building, where Cow would be waiting. It?s too far. The Cougar will outrun you.
The Cougar prowls a step closer. ?This is a training exercise. You and I weren?t supposed to meet like this. If you had followed orders, we wouldn?t have.?
?You wouldn?t hurt me. Not really.? Too bad fear makes your voice high-pitched and bleaty.
?Accidents sometimes happen in training exercises.? He sits, inspecting his claws.
You flick your tail. You won?t cave to the threats he?s tossing about. You?re the first Goat to make it on the Whale?s Space Teams. And even if this planet seemed boring at first, it?s your very first alien planet! You?re not about to let the chance to explore end here in the cruel claws of a Cougar bully.
You dig your small hooves into the ground and lower your head. A flicker of surprise lights the Cougar?s eyes as you spring forward. Your horns crash into his side, just as he?d knocked you over just a few moments ago. Spinning around, you charge for the top of the hill, for safety. The Cougar won?t be happy you hit him, but all you have to do is make it to the tiny, square-sided building before he does.
The soft dirt slows you, giving no easy hoof-holds as you scramble up the hillside. Hot breath on your flanks urges you to move faster, so you abandon decorum and go to all fours. Twice as many hooves to propel you to the hilltop does wonders, and you skid around the side of the building, panting for air.
Where?s the door? Where?s the door? The Cougar?s gonna get you before you can find the door to this dirty, unassuming building, and on your very first mission. That?d be mortifying.
The door gleams, white metal in the sunlight, and you lunge for it, scrabbling with the knob. It was obviously not made for hoofed-species. Ironically, Cougar would likely have an easier time with it. He?s coming and you don?t have time to wrestle with a space-junked door! You kick it, then lower your head and head-butt it.
It springs open and you stumble inside. Your hooves slow of their own accord. You stare around yourself, gaping. A cool grey banister stands two meters in front of you, separating you from the rest of the colossal space. An enormous cavern of bustling workers spirals deeper into the mountain beneath you. Everything is lit with warm yellow bulbs, and flashes of colorful doors accent the interior. This is more like it.
One floor below you, Cow waits idly. ?How?d the Goat do??
Your mouth works, but nothing comes out.
Behind you, a velvet voice has no trouble finding words. ?Off-script, and with a literal meaning for ?using your head.??
Cougar grins at you. ?What, cat got your tongue??
?What?? you squeak.
Cow shakes her head. ?I needed to teach you an important lesson before we get to our primary objective.? Her bovine face turns serious. ?Never judge a planet by its drop site.?

14
Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: Space Goats
« on: August 10, 2020, 04:51:01 PM »
Thank you all!

15
Week 1 posts / Re: Week 1: Never Look Back
« on: August 09, 2020, 04:21:40 PM »
Great twist at the end, Layton! It gave me chills! I love how you wrote out your process with your Negative, then Zero, then First Draft! Looking forward to what you do with this!

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