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1
Week 4 posts / Ravlenna?s Fire Final Draft
« on: August 06, 2021, 01:42:26 PM »
Here?s the link to my final draft! I hope you enjoy, and I can?t wait to read everyone else?s!
https://smroffey.com/wim-2021-week-4-final-draft/
https://smroffey.com/wim-2021-week-4-final-draft/
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Week 2 posts / Re: Week 2: Second Draft of Sulphur & Smoke
« on: July 24, 2021, 08:12:03 PM »
this gave me “Invisible Life of Addie Larue” vibes!!
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Week 2 posts / Re: Second Draft: Dust in the Wind
« on: July 24, 2021, 08:08:32 PM »
This took an interesting turn in the middle. 
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Week 2 posts / Re: Self-edited Draft, Week 2: In the Country of Shadows
« on: July 24, 2021, 08:04:34 PM »
You?re so hard on yourself! I think this is unique piece, and I don?t think it?s too short at all.
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Week 2 posts / Re: Week 2 - Self Edits (Ryatt's Story)
« on: July 24, 2021, 07:58:47 PM »
love her power, Steph!
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Week 2 posts / Re: Draft 2 - La Capitaine Retourne
« on: July 24, 2021, 07:52:42 PM »
I love this version! Haha I want to know all about Najwa, and I *love* that you used the prompt for this fabulous (witch? At least the guards say she is. 
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Week 2 posts / Re: Tenn's Second Draft
« on: July 24, 2021, 07:47:10 PM »
I like how you use the way they move to tell something about each character:
?Sam pushed open the door and plopped down next to the accomplice, who stood up immediately and moved to a cushioned chair in the corner, a sour look on his face. Enya entered the room like a mouse, the door closing with a soft click behind her.?
?Sam pushed open the door and plopped down next to the accomplice, who stood up immediately and moved to a cushioned chair in the corner, a sour look on his face. Enya entered the room like a mouse, the door closing with a soft click behind her.?
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Week 2 posts / Re: Week 2: Self-edit Draft Rough Seas
« on: July 24, 2021, 07:42:53 PM »
I like how you took the prompt and really made it your own! I love seeing writers use it less literally, and this is a great start to a historical fiction piece.
“Yet, nothing felt, smelled, or sounded the same. Not the sea, not the air. And certainly not the ground beneath his feet.”
“Yet, nothing felt, smelled, or sounded the same. Not the sea, not the air. And certainly not the ground beneath his feet.”
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Week 1 posts / Re: Unedited rough draft: "Against Humanity"
« on: July 22, 2021, 12:21:20 AM »
I like the irreverent tone in this, and the use of the Cards Against Humanity!
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft - La Capitaine Retourne
« on: July 22, 2021, 12:15:54 AM »
This is the purpose of Writer in Motion--to show the process! I love that you put your action beats, because it will really highlight how you translate those into prose. I can't wait to read your next version!
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft "Aunt Lavinia"
« on: July 22, 2021, 12:13:35 AM »
I really like the feel of this piece, the sort of nostalgic take on each thing she's talking about. I especially loved the whack she got from Nonna when she accidentally chipped Aunt Lavinia's work LOL.
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Week 1 posts / Re: First draft
« on: July 20, 2021, 11:44:00 PM »
Harry Potter-like vibes. Love the idea that he's performing magic here.
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Week 1 posts / Re: Draft 1 - Untitled
« on: July 20, 2021, 11:41:01 PM »
oooooooooooo this took a creepy turn at the end! I got vibes of an alien planet. I'll be interested to see what you edit and what stays--I hope his smoky face stays, I loved that part.
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Week 1 posts / Re: First draft of Meliorism
« on: July 20, 2021, 03:03:12 PM »
"Until I tell them about the time the devil came to my hometown, and danced all the young, vibrant, pretty things to death. No one laughs, then."
This line was the one that really pulled me in. You've got great voice all the way through, but I liked the juxtaposition of that jovial storytelling tone and then this horrifying little detail. Can't wait to see this one develop!
This line was the one that really pulled me in. You've got great voice all the way through, but I liked the juxtaposition of that jovial storytelling tone and then this horrifying little detail. Can't wait to see this one develop!
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Week 1 posts / Rough Draft Week 1
« on: July 16, 2021, 04:13:55 PM »Posted my rough draft on my website. I?ll be dropping in here this weekend to read as many as I can and leave comments!
https://smroffey.com/wim-2021-week-1-unedited-draft/