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Week 1 posts / Re: The Bone Garden - first draft
« on: November 10, 2019, 09:10:36 PM »
I love the title too! I also think for the short story at least, the nameless MC works very well.
2
Week 1 posts / Re: Draft 1
« on: November 07, 2019, 10:04:06 PM »
Love the emotional twist at the end. Hallmark of a great short story IMO.
3
Week 1 posts / Re: Draft 1 - A Day on the Water
« on: November 07, 2019, 09:55:51 PM »
Not to sound like a parrot here, but AAAAGGHHH THE TENSIONNNNN!
4
Week 1 posts / Re: Draft 1
« on: November 07, 2019, 09:17:20 PM »
I loved this. The image of painting the clouds was beautiful and the mash-up of myth and dystopian society was nicely done.
5
Week 1 posts / Untitled First Draft
« on: November 07, 2019, 09:09:49 PM »
I am unsure of my fate, which is a very strange experience for one who is not subject to Fate. Perhaps they will know of my sacrifice, whatever it may be; perhaps not. Or perhaps they will know and be ungrateful. If so, it will be their choice, as this is mine.
I will never forget how my father wept as the mushrooming cloud of smoke and debris rose toward Olympus. ?This is my fault,? he whispered.
Zeus? laughter thundered across the heavens. He clapped my father on the back and said, between guffaws, ?Absolutely amazing creatures, Prometheus. You really outdid yourself on this batch. I won?t even have to lift a finger because they?re going to destroy themselves!? A few of my kowtowing relatives laughed along with him, but most just watched the mess below solemnly. My father never raised his head.
Zeus finally walked away, still chuckling at his own wisecracks. One by one, the other gods turned their backs as well. Only I, forged from clay just like the creation over whom my father now wept, remained by his side. The others had all but given up on Mankind and this was the breaking point. They were done.
I could no longer fight the lump in my throat, the sickness in my stomach, the tension in my muscles. I let the tears flow. You see, I have loved many among mankind. Some intimately, some from afar, but always, always deeply. It pained me to watch helplessly as they threw away all they?d achieved. I couldn?t imagine the grief my father must have felt for his children, yet again.
?He?s wrong, though, isn?t he Father?? I said. ?They won?t actually destroy themselves?? After all, they still had Hope (albeit trapped in my poor, dumb Auntie Pandora?s box).
My father slowly shook his head. His foresight was never wrong.
I closed my eyes tightly and wept by his side for I know not how long.
?I suppose it was some sort of mercy on Zeus? part the times he annihilated them before,? my Father said, having regained his composure. ?He?ll never be finished teaching me a lesson.? His hand went to his right ribs, as oft it does when he recalls the torment he endured for his human children. Slowly, ever so slowly, something like a smile crept across his face. ?And I guess I?ll never be finished learning it.?
I knew he would repopulate the earth; he always does. Last time, it was with the help of my brother Deucalion and his wife. Still, my heart swelled. I raised my head and replied, ?I?ll go this time. I?ll go down there and help them start anew.?
My father thought a moment, and then looked upon me approvingly. ?Very well.?
Though I continued to mourn, the assurance my beloved mankind would endure dried the tears. My father and I soon parted ways, but I hadn?t gone far when he called out, ?Aletheia!?
I turned. ?Yes, Father??
He was walking back toward me, his countenance much darker than only a moment before. He embraced me. ?My child, eternity is a very long time.? His words confused me, but I did not reply. When he released me from his embrace, he smiled sadly, and then walked on.
I returned to my charge, tending the Flame of Eternal Truth. I was to do so until my father notified me it was time to go down to Earth. For an immortal, keeping a perpetual flame burning requires little, and I found myself dwelling once more in my head and heart.
I couldn?t stop grieving the impending loss of this Age of Man. It was easy to detest them, but easier to love them. With no great strength or speed, no wings, nothing but a weak vessel in which to traverse their pitifully short lives, they?d forged ahead. From rocks tossed over the backs of my brother and his wife, they?d emerged to build empires, harness the power of electricity, and take flight. Now, tragically, as they continued their quest for greatness, they were playing with that which they could not yet understand, and it would end them.
Long ago, my father, out of unconditional parental love for his human children, stole fire and gave it to them. With his impeccable foresight, he knew where it would take them and the price he would pay for it, and yet he did it anyway. And mankind took his gift and ran with it. They clung to that fire and the hope left in Pandora?s box, and despite all the perils hurled at them, they triumphed.
They endeavored to become like us gods, but Zeus would never allow it to be. For this reason they continued to fight one another, to commit all the ugliness for which the other gods had turned their backs on them. If only they knew what they didn?t know.
I adored them, their ingenuity, their flaws, their tenacity, their fire. Such fire could not be extinguished from existence; a roaring blaze could not be reverted to kindling. I could not allow it.
I thrust a torch into the Flame of Eternal Truth.
The white-hot fire scorched my hand as I ran along the golden sidewalks, the confused faces of my relatives a blur as I blew past. I reached the bronze gates outside Zues? palace, and they simply melted in the presence of my torch. Before the guards knew what was happening, I was inside the great hall making my way for the staircase.
I don?t remember climbing the stairs; perhaps I was carried by the wings of passion to the palace roof. There, I took hold of the spire, the highest point on Olympus, and swung out over the edge, waving the torch through the clouds.
The guards? footsteps are approaching now, but they?re too late. I?ve already willed the flame to emit sparks, and Truth rains down to Earth in glowing drops. Nothing left for me to do now but accept my fate.
I am unsure whether my father will be filled with pride or despair, but he will undoubtedly understand. They were worth it. Humanity was always worth it.
I will never forget how my father wept as the mushrooming cloud of smoke and debris rose toward Olympus. ?This is my fault,? he whispered.
Zeus? laughter thundered across the heavens. He clapped my father on the back and said, between guffaws, ?Absolutely amazing creatures, Prometheus. You really outdid yourself on this batch. I won?t even have to lift a finger because they?re going to destroy themselves!? A few of my kowtowing relatives laughed along with him, but most just watched the mess below solemnly. My father never raised his head.
Zeus finally walked away, still chuckling at his own wisecracks. One by one, the other gods turned their backs as well. Only I, forged from clay just like the creation over whom my father now wept, remained by his side. The others had all but given up on Mankind and this was the breaking point. They were done.
I could no longer fight the lump in my throat, the sickness in my stomach, the tension in my muscles. I let the tears flow. You see, I have loved many among mankind. Some intimately, some from afar, but always, always deeply. It pained me to watch helplessly as they threw away all they?d achieved. I couldn?t imagine the grief my father must have felt for his children, yet again.
?He?s wrong, though, isn?t he Father?? I said. ?They won?t actually destroy themselves?? After all, they still had Hope (albeit trapped in my poor, dumb Auntie Pandora?s box).
My father slowly shook his head. His foresight was never wrong.
I closed my eyes tightly and wept by his side for I know not how long.
?I suppose it was some sort of mercy on Zeus? part the times he annihilated them before,? my Father said, having regained his composure. ?He?ll never be finished teaching me a lesson.? His hand went to his right ribs, as oft it does when he recalls the torment he endured for his human children. Slowly, ever so slowly, something like a smile crept across his face. ?And I guess I?ll never be finished learning it.?
I knew he would repopulate the earth; he always does. Last time, it was with the help of my brother Deucalion and his wife. Still, my heart swelled. I raised my head and replied, ?I?ll go this time. I?ll go down there and help them start anew.?
My father thought a moment, and then looked upon me approvingly. ?Very well.?
Though I continued to mourn, the assurance my beloved mankind would endure dried the tears. My father and I soon parted ways, but I hadn?t gone far when he called out, ?Aletheia!?
I turned. ?Yes, Father??
He was walking back toward me, his countenance much darker than only a moment before. He embraced me. ?My child, eternity is a very long time.? His words confused me, but I did not reply. When he released me from his embrace, he smiled sadly, and then walked on.
I returned to my charge, tending the Flame of Eternal Truth. I was to do so until my father notified me it was time to go down to Earth. For an immortal, keeping a perpetual flame burning requires little, and I found myself dwelling once more in my head and heart.
I couldn?t stop grieving the impending loss of this Age of Man. It was easy to detest them, but easier to love them. With no great strength or speed, no wings, nothing but a weak vessel in which to traverse their pitifully short lives, they?d forged ahead. From rocks tossed over the backs of my brother and his wife, they?d emerged to build empires, harness the power of electricity, and take flight. Now, tragically, as they continued their quest for greatness, they were playing with that which they could not yet understand, and it would end them.
Long ago, my father, out of unconditional parental love for his human children, stole fire and gave it to them. With his impeccable foresight, he knew where it would take them and the price he would pay for it, and yet he did it anyway. And mankind took his gift and ran with it. They clung to that fire and the hope left in Pandora?s box, and despite all the perils hurled at them, they triumphed.
They endeavored to become like us gods, but Zeus would never allow it to be. For this reason they continued to fight one another, to commit all the ugliness for which the other gods had turned their backs on them. If only they knew what they didn?t know.
I adored them, their ingenuity, their flaws, their tenacity, their fire. Such fire could not be extinguished from existence; a roaring blaze could not be reverted to kindling. I could not allow it.
I thrust a torch into the Flame of Eternal Truth.
The white-hot fire scorched my hand as I ran along the golden sidewalks, the confused faces of my relatives a blur as I blew past. I reached the bronze gates outside Zues? palace, and they simply melted in the presence of my torch. Before the guards knew what was happening, I was inside the great hall making my way for the staircase.
I don?t remember climbing the stairs; perhaps I was carried by the wings of passion to the palace roof. There, I took hold of the spire, the highest point on Olympus, and swung out over the edge, waving the torch through the clouds.
The guards? footsteps are approaching now, but they?re too late. I?ve already willed the flame to emit sparks, and Truth rains down to Earth in glowing drops. Nothing left for me to do now but accept my fate.
I am unsure whether my father will be filled with pride or despair, but he will undoubtedly understand. They were worth it. Humanity was always worth it.
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