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Week 3 posts / The Watcher in the Vale - Third Draft
« on: August 22, 2020, 04:32:10 PM »
With many thanks to Nyssa Rae and K.J. Harrowick, here is my third draft of "The Watcher in the Vale" along with a few notes about the critique process:
http://dankoboldt.com/writer-in-motion-third-draft/
http://dankoboldt.com/writer-in-motion-third-draft/
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Week 2 posts / Re: Exiled--Self-edit
« on: August 14, 2020, 04:56:18 AM »
Wow, what an entertaining story! It was effortlessly written, too. Bravo on writing an older woman MC in a fantasy story. The most surprising part is that it ended with a knock at the door (which is how my story starts).
Well done.
Well done.
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Week 2 posts / The Watcher in the Vale - second draft
« on: August 13, 2020, 01:32:40 PM »
I must say, friends, that this Writer in Motion thing is a lot of fun. I've completed my self-edits, whittled the story down to below 1,000 words, and posted the thing on my blog:
http://dankoboldt.com/writer-in-motion-second-draft/
I'd love your comments, either here or there!
(All comments on my blog are moderated, so if you haven't left one before it may take an hour or two for me to approve it).
http://dankoboldt.com/writer-in-motion-second-draft/
I'd love your comments, either here or there!
(All comments on my blog are moderated, so if you haven't left one before it may take an hour or two for me to approve it).
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Week 2 posts / Re: Second Draft: The Witch of Blue Ridge
« on: August 12, 2020, 05:00:35 PM »
Lovely, lovely story. It's tighter and more immersive. Also, the lack of a name didn't bother me at all this time. I think you're right; she's better without a name. Nice work!
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Week 1 posts / Re: To Remember Her By -- VERY ROUGH First Draft
« on: August 08, 2020, 05:13:14 AM »
Whoa, what a twist at the end! I enjoyed this for obvious reasons.
You're not wrong about the dead having far fewer rights. At least, we've encountered that in the world of research consent.
Good luck with your next step!
You're not wrong about the dead having far fewer rights. At least, we've encountered that in the world of research consent.
Good luck with your next step!
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: Universe of Time
« on: August 07, 2020, 04:55:53 AM »
Lovely little story!
(I, too, dream of dragons).
(I, too, dream of dragons).
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: Space Goats
« on: August 07, 2020, 04:18:26 AM »
I knew from your first two words that this was going to be special. The first word told me second person POV, and the second word is a delightful verb that I didn't even know about. It fits perfectly well, though. I'm sure you had fun writing this, and I had fun reading it.
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Week 1 posts / Re: We Who Paint The Trees
« on: August 06, 2020, 07:35:12 PM »
This is a lovely title and simply beautiful, lyrical prose.
Granted, I did initially mis-interpret "the prince leaves" as multiple leaf items, rather than departs, but still. This enchanted me from start to finish.
Granted, I did initially mis-interpret "the prince leaves" as multiple leaf items, rather than departs, but still. This enchanted me from start to finish.
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: The Witch of Blue Ridge
« on: August 06, 2020, 07:25:39 PM »
Word economy. I like it!
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Week 1 posts / Re: Woman in the Shack (1st Draft)
« on: August 06, 2020, 01:57:49 PM »
The opening felt so deeply personal and real. You showed us the tip of so many backstory icebergs. There was, admittedly, a moment where I thought the lady in the shack was the mom, because they'd just been talking about her. Obviously I figured it out when they called her hot :-).
Wow, that ending! My mouth literally fell open.
Wow, that ending! My mouth literally fell open.
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Week 1 posts / First Draft: The Watcher in the Vale
« on: August 06, 2020, 01:13:46 PM »
Hello, WIM friends! I've completed my first draft of a science fiction story I'm calling "The Watcher in the Vale" and posted it on my blog here:
http://dankoboldt.com/wim-week-1-first-draft/
http://dankoboldt.com/wim-week-1-first-draft/
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: An Ill-Conceived Wish
« on: August 06, 2020, 05:54:43 AM »
Nicely done, Nyssa Rae! The opening really drew me in. I didn't realize what the colors meant until I saw how thoroughly you documented your drafting process. How cool that you shared that level of detail.
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: The Witch of Blue Ridge
« on: August 06, 2020, 05:48:52 AM »
Wow, what a story! I'll admit that I did feel a tad distanced by "the witch" as the POV character. Everyone else has a name, even the coywolf. But hey, I really enjoyed reading this. It might be my favorite so far. You packed a lot of conflict and action into a small space. Looking forward to the next iteration!
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Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: Headhunters
« on: August 06, 2020, 05:39:42 AM »
The rainbow colors did make me die inside a little bit, but I enjoyed this... especially your MC's array of badass weapons. Good luck with the revision!
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Week 1 posts / Re: THE LIGHTHOUSE
« on: August 06, 2020, 05:35:56 AM »
Lovely story -- the sudden F-bomb was perfectly placed! Good luck with your next stage!
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