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Week 0 posts / First Impressions! WIM 2021
« on: July 16, 2021, 06:15:25 PM »
WIM 2021 is back! and I've barely had time to even think about the prompt let alone to write anything about it.
It's a great prompt yet again and it gave me angsty-mystery vibes. My first thoughts were vampires, Jinn? Or perhaps a human hiding their identity behind a thin veil of smoke, a spy maybe?
A story with this prompt can go several ways, but as a fantasy writer and reader, I'm hunting for clues which I can play with and make this into (dark) fantasy.
It's a great prompt yet again and it gave me angsty-mystery vibes. My first thoughts were vampires, Jinn? Or perhaps a human hiding their identity behind a thin veil of smoke, a spy maybe?
A story with this prompt can go several ways, but as a fantasy writer and reader, I'm hunting for clues which I can play with and make this into (dark) fantasy.
2
Week 4 posts / Fourth Draft - SMOKE AND FOG
« on: September 04, 2020, 04:05:02 PM »
Hey! (this is beyond late, I know.. but life got in the way)
A huge thanks to Jeni Chappelle for sprinkling some stardust on my draft and polishing out my awkward sentences. Final word count: 968!
SMOKE AND FOG
The lull of the raindrops on my roof wrapped me in a nostalgia. But those memories were painful now. I was far, far away from the ones who jumped in the puddles with me and the ones who dried my hair after I'd become fully drenched.
I jumped awake at crash of thunder.
My eyes had remnants of dried tears. The candle had burned low and cast long shadows on the walls of the cabin. How long was I asleep? I stretched my bony arms, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed on the pungent burning smell.
Nutmeg!
I jumped off the bed, shaking its wooden frame, and my anklets chimed in sync with my footsteps as I hopped to the counter where a concoction gently bubbled. It was a tonic to cure insomnia, made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg.
It was my best-selling product. Apparently the veil-dwellers had trouble sleeping just as much as humans. Regardless, it was a hassle to make, and so I prepared large batches to last a long time. Nutmeg to be first crushed, smoked, ground and then finally infused in warm honey. But this batch had gone beyond the useful hint of smokiness. Grunting, I threw it away.
The wind howled - a wailing cry that rattled my bones.
I lit another candle and went toward the only shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind and breathed the petrichor, smiling to myself. Why did I feel more alone during rainy days? The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The night was quickly consuming the ever-changing colors of dusk. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face, and a memory of my mum resurfaced.
Aarohi, you'll get sick in the rain!
Every day, during dusk an animal would perch near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. I had eventually realized these animals were from beyond the veil - and they weren't animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn, all with the same unblinking orange eyes. This time it was a cat with fur dark as coal.
"Do you want to come in?" I called out to the cat, above the sound of the rain.
Another of my mum's cautions rang in my head. Aarohi, How many times have I told you, never, ever look or stray outside when it's dusk and dawn!
With a scoff, I closed the window.
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared, superstitious, and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil, which becomes the thinnest during dusk and dawn.
I wiped my face and returned to my counter. Working methodically, I prepared another batch of nutmeg.
The sight not only gave me the ability to see the veil-dwellers but also cure ailments by perfecting the tonic to the illness by adding the person's hair, nail or even blood. This made me a master herbalist, both in the human realm and beyond the veil. There weren't a lot of people who knew about herbs and even fewer who had the sight.
The sight, however, also made me hang out with dead children and have animal spirits as pets when I was younger, although I was not able to cross over to their realm. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock boomed at my door, making me flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded, and I called out while re-doing my messy bun, "I'm coming! Enter quickly!"
I fixed my emerald gown and opened the door.
A man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather; it had to be a veil-dweller. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair while his wet clothes dried on their own. Once done, he passed the towel back, making eye contact with me. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold.
"Thanks." he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
My heart raced. I recognized these eyes. They were the same ones from the crow last week and the cat just now. Darkness rippled from his tan skin.
That isn't darkness, it's black smoke.
In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I'd seen a Djinn in human form.
"Uh-um, crazy weather, right," I said awkwardly, "Is there something I can help you with?"
"Aarohi," He smiled. "I've been watching you."
With nervous energy, I busied my hands to crush the nutmeg. A thousand thoughts buzzed my head as I tried to remember any advice Mum had given me or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wandered around my house, taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the still-warm bed, the table littered with notes and diagrams, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet, drowning the cabin.
I fisted my hands and spun on my heels. "Have I offended you?"
"All this time, you've been calling me to come inside, haven't you?"
With a sinking feeling I remembered my mum's final warning; Always wait for them. Never speak first to a veil-dweller, or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had spoken first.
My breath hitched as his arms wrapped around me.
"I've come to take you with me." He smiled as his darkness erupted around me.
The End
A huge thanks to Jeni Chappelle for sprinkling some stardust on my draft and polishing out my awkward sentences. Final word count: 968!
SMOKE AND FOG
The lull of the raindrops on my roof wrapped me in a nostalgia. But those memories were painful now. I was far, far away from the ones who jumped in the puddles with me and the ones who dried my hair after I'd become fully drenched.
I jumped awake at crash of thunder.
My eyes had remnants of dried tears. The candle had burned low and cast long shadows on the walls of the cabin. How long was I asleep? I stretched my bony arms, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed on the pungent burning smell.
Nutmeg!
I jumped off the bed, shaking its wooden frame, and my anklets chimed in sync with my footsteps as I hopped to the counter where a concoction gently bubbled. It was a tonic to cure insomnia, made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg.
It was my best-selling product. Apparently the veil-dwellers had trouble sleeping just as much as humans. Regardless, it was a hassle to make, and so I prepared large batches to last a long time. Nutmeg to be first crushed, smoked, ground and then finally infused in warm honey. But this batch had gone beyond the useful hint of smokiness. Grunting, I threw it away.
The wind howled - a wailing cry that rattled my bones.
I lit another candle and went toward the only shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind and breathed the petrichor, smiling to myself. Why did I feel more alone during rainy days? The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The night was quickly consuming the ever-changing colors of dusk. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face, and a memory of my mum resurfaced.
Aarohi, you'll get sick in the rain!
Every day, during dusk an animal would perch near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. I had eventually realized these animals were from beyond the veil - and they weren't animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn, all with the same unblinking orange eyes. This time it was a cat with fur dark as coal.
"Do you want to come in?" I called out to the cat, above the sound of the rain.
Another of my mum's cautions rang in my head. Aarohi, How many times have I told you, never, ever look or stray outside when it's dusk and dawn!
With a scoff, I closed the window.
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared, superstitious, and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil, which becomes the thinnest during dusk and dawn.
I wiped my face and returned to my counter. Working methodically, I prepared another batch of nutmeg.
The sight not only gave me the ability to see the veil-dwellers but also cure ailments by perfecting the tonic to the illness by adding the person's hair, nail or even blood. This made me a master herbalist, both in the human realm and beyond the veil. There weren't a lot of people who knew about herbs and even fewer who had the sight.
The sight, however, also made me hang out with dead children and have animal spirits as pets when I was younger, although I was not able to cross over to their realm. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock boomed at my door, making me flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded, and I called out while re-doing my messy bun, "I'm coming! Enter quickly!"
I fixed my emerald gown and opened the door.
A man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather; it had to be a veil-dweller. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair while his wet clothes dried on their own. Once done, he passed the towel back, making eye contact with me. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold.
"Thanks." he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
My heart raced. I recognized these eyes. They were the same ones from the crow last week and the cat just now. Darkness rippled from his tan skin.
That isn't darkness, it's black smoke.
In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I'd seen a Djinn in human form.
"Uh-um, crazy weather, right," I said awkwardly, "Is there something I can help you with?"
"Aarohi," He smiled. "I've been watching you."
With nervous energy, I busied my hands to crush the nutmeg. A thousand thoughts buzzed my head as I tried to remember any advice Mum had given me or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wandered around my house, taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the still-warm bed, the table littered with notes and diagrams, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet, drowning the cabin.
I fisted my hands and spun on my heels. "Have I offended you?"
"All this time, you've been calling me to come inside, haven't you?"
With a sinking feeling I remembered my mum's final warning; Always wait for them. Never speak first to a veil-dweller, or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had spoken first.
My breath hitched as his arms wrapped around me.
"I've come to take you with me." He smiled as his darkness erupted around me.
The End
3
Week 3 posts / Third Draft - SMOKE AND FOG
« on: August 22, 2020, 03:45:30 AM »
Hey! okay phew, this week was unexpectedly busy yet exciting. I was paired with amazing CPs [Elizabeth Grant and Anthony Eden] who did a brilliant job at pulling my story apart 
No seriously, once they were done I had 40 comments for my total 68 lines. A huge thank you to them!
What I fixed.
Both CPs pointed out some common things: sentence flow, word choice and overall tone that I wanted to keep in the story - and the areas where that tone often broke. Also, I initially felt the story is a bit rushed. While I was revising their comments and editing, the pace fixed itself (at least I hope so). Some plot-gaps were pointed out where I missed out explanations, etc. (because the story somehow makes sense in my head). At other places, there was a ton of repetition (because I write while drinking double-shot espresso).
Also! My MC is a herbalist and Elizabeth helped in clearing some details as a fellow-herb-hobbyist.
All in all, I had to work with rephrasing and really getting the story out of my head and on to the paper as smoothly as possible while maintaining the word limit! My second draft was 1k words, while editing based on the comments and simply writing, I ended up with 30 words over limit, so after some minor chopping I was back at 1000 words.
SMOKE AND FOG
The nostalgic scent of the rain and the lull of the rain drops thundering atop my roof wrapped me in a warm blanket of memories - those that were painful now. I was far, far away from the ones who jumped in the puddles with me and the ones who dried my hair after I'd become fully drenched.
I jumped awake from the crashing sound of thunder. My eyes had remnants of dried tears. The candle had burned low and casted long shadows on the walls of the cabin. How long was I asleep? I thought. I stretched my bony arms, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed when the pungent burning smell struck my senses.
Nutmeg!
I jumped off the bed shaking its wooden frame, my anklets chimed in sync with my footsteps as I hopped to the counter where a concoction gently bubbled. It was a tonic to cure insomnia, made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg. It was my best-selling product, apparently the veil-dwellers had trouble sleeping just as much as humans. Regardless, it was a hassle to make and so I prepared large batches to last a long time. Nutmeg to be first crushed, smoked, grinded and then finally to be infused in warm honey. My batch had gone beyond the useful tint of smokiness. Grunting, I threw it away. The wind howled - a wailing cry that rattled my bones.
I lit another candle and went toward the only shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind and breathed the petrichor, smiling to myself. Why did I feel more alone during rainy days? The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The night was quickly consuming the ever-changing colors of dusk. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face and a memory of my mum resurfaced, Aarohi, you'll get sick in the rain!
Every day, during dusk an animal would perch near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. I had eventually realized these animals were from beyond the veil - and they weren't animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn - all with the same unblinking orange eyes. This time it was a cat with fur dark as coal.
"Do you want to come in?" I called out to the cat, above the sound of the rain. Another one of my mum's caution rang in my head. Aarohi, How many times have I told you, never, ever look or stray outside when it's dusk and dawn! With a scoff, I closed the window.
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared, superstitious, and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil - the veil that becomes the thinnest during dusk and dawn. I wiped my face and returned to my counter. Working methodically, I prepared another batch of nutmeg.
The sight not only gave me the ability to see the veil-dwellers but also to cure ailments by perfecting the tonic to the illness by adding the person's hair, nail or even blood. This made me a master herbalist both in the human realm and beyond the veil. There weren't a lot of people who knew about herbs and even less so who had the sight.
The sight, however, also made me hang out with dead children and have animal spirits as pets when I was younger, although I'm not able to cross over to their realm. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock boomed at my door making me flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded and I called out while re-doing my messy bun, "I'm coming! Enter quickly!" I fixed my emerald gown and then opened the door.
A man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather, it had to be a veil-dweller. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair with the towel while his wet clothes dried on their own accord. Once done, he passed the towel back making eye contact with me. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold. "Thanks", he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
My heart raced in my ribcage; I had recognized these eyes. They were the same ones from the crow last week, and the cat just now. Darkness rippled from his tan skin. Wait, that isn't darkness, it's black smoke. In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I saw a Djinn in a human-form.
"Uh-um, crazy weather right!" I said awkwardly, "Is there something I can help you with?"
"Aarohi" He smiled. "I've been watching you."
With nervous energy, I busied my hands to crush the nutmeg. A thousand thoughts buzzed my head trying to remember any advice Mum had given me, or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wandered around my house taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the still-warm bed, the table littered with notes and diagrams, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet, drowning the cabin.
I fisted my hands and spun on my heels. "Have I offended you?"
"All this time, you've been calling me to come inside, haven't you?"
With a sinking feeling I remembered my mum's final warning; Always wait for them, never speak first to a veil-dweller or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had.
My breath hitched as his arms wrapped around me.
"I've come to take you with me." he whispered.
I remember his smile before darkness erupted around me.
No seriously, once they were done I had 40 comments for my total 68 lines. A huge thank you to them! What I fixed.
Both CPs pointed out some common things: sentence flow, word choice and overall tone that I wanted to keep in the story - and the areas where that tone often broke. Also, I initially felt the story is a bit rushed. While I was revising their comments and editing, the pace fixed itself (at least I hope so). Some plot-gaps were pointed out where I missed out explanations, etc. (because the story somehow makes sense in my head). At other places, there was a ton of repetition (because I write while drinking double-shot espresso).
Also! My MC is a herbalist and Elizabeth helped in clearing some details as a fellow-herb-hobbyist.
All in all, I had to work with rephrasing and really getting the story out of my head and on to the paper as smoothly as possible while maintaining the word limit! My second draft was 1k words, while editing based on the comments and simply writing, I ended up with 30 words over limit, so after some minor chopping I was back at 1000 words.
SMOKE AND FOG
The nostalgic scent of the rain and the lull of the rain drops thundering atop my roof wrapped me in a warm blanket of memories - those that were painful now. I was far, far away from the ones who jumped in the puddles with me and the ones who dried my hair after I'd become fully drenched.
I jumped awake from the crashing sound of thunder. My eyes had remnants of dried tears. The candle had burned low and casted long shadows on the walls of the cabin. How long was I asleep? I thought. I stretched my bony arms, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed when the pungent burning smell struck my senses.
Nutmeg!
I jumped off the bed shaking its wooden frame, my anklets chimed in sync with my footsteps as I hopped to the counter where a concoction gently bubbled. It was a tonic to cure insomnia, made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg. It was my best-selling product, apparently the veil-dwellers had trouble sleeping just as much as humans. Regardless, it was a hassle to make and so I prepared large batches to last a long time. Nutmeg to be first crushed, smoked, grinded and then finally to be infused in warm honey. My batch had gone beyond the useful tint of smokiness. Grunting, I threw it away. The wind howled - a wailing cry that rattled my bones.
I lit another candle and went toward the only shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind and breathed the petrichor, smiling to myself. Why did I feel more alone during rainy days? The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The night was quickly consuming the ever-changing colors of dusk. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face and a memory of my mum resurfaced, Aarohi, you'll get sick in the rain!
Every day, during dusk an animal would perch near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. I had eventually realized these animals were from beyond the veil - and they weren't animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn - all with the same unblinking orange eyes. This time it was a cat with fur dark as coal.
"Do you want to come in?" I called out to the cat, above the sound of the rain. Another one of my mum's caution rang in my head. Aarohi, How many times have I told you, never, ever look or stray outside when it's dusk and dawn! With a scoff, I closed the window.
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared, superstitious, and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil - the veil that becomes the thinnest during dusk and dawn. I wiped my face and returned to my counter. Working methodically, I prepared another batch of nutmeg.
The sight not only gave me the ability to see the veil-dwellers but also to cure ailments by perfecting the tonic to the illness by adding the person's hair, nail or even blood. This made me a master herbalist both in the human realm and beyond the veil. There weren't a lot of people who knew about herbs and even less so who had the sight.
The sight, however, also made me hang out with dead children and have animal spirits as pets when I was younger, although I'm not able to cross over to their realm. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock boomed at my door making me flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded and I called out while re-doing my messy bun, "I'm coming! Enter quickly!" I fixed my emerald gown and then opened the door.
A man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather, it had to be a veil-dweller. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair with the towel while his wet clothes dried on their own accord. Once done, he passed the towel back making eye contact with me. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold. "Thanks", he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
My heart raced in my ribcage; I had recognized these eyes. They were the same ones from the crow last week, and the cat just now. Darkness rippled from his tan skin. Wait, that isn't darkness, it's black smoke. In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I saw a Djinn in a human-form.
"Uh-um, crazy weather right!" I said awkwardly, "Is there something I can help you with?"
"Aarohi" He smiled. "I've been watching you."
With nervous energy, I busied my hands to crush the nutmeg. A thousand thoughts buzzed my head trying to remember any advice Mum had given me, or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wandered around my house taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the still-warm bed, the table littered with notes and diagrams, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet, drowning the cabin.
I fisted my hands and spun on my heels. "Have I offended you?"
"All this time, you've been calling me to come inside, haven't you?"
With a sinking feeling I remembered my mum's final warning; Always wait for them, never speak first to a veil-dweller or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had.
My breath hitched as his arms wrapped around me.
"I've come to take you with me." he whispered.
I remember his smile before darkness erupted around me.
4
Week 2 posts / Re: Second Draft - SMOKE AND FOG
« on: August 18, 2020, 02:25:58 AM »
Thank you Vicky!
5
Week 2 posts / Second Draft - SMOKE AND FOG
« on: August 15, 2020, 03:29:10 AM »
Hey! I made the edits on the eleventh hour, this week just flew by. For self-editing I focused on the flow of the story, adding the MC name, more of her inner thoughts, and rearranged few sentences to make it smoother overall. And of course corrected any spelling/grammar errors. Also, managed to add two more lines at the end of the story and still reach 1000 words.
SMOKE AND FOG - self-edited draft
The monotonous lull of the rain drops thundering atop my roof and the earthy scent wrapped me in a warm blanket of memories. Memories were painful now that I was far, far away from the ones who jumped in the puddles with me and the ones who dried my hair after I'd become fully drenched.
My groggy eyes opened to the dim light of the cabin. The candle had burned low. How long was I asleep? I thought. I stretched my frail limbs, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed when the pungent burning smell struck my senses.
Nutmeg!
I jumped of the bed shaking its wooden frame, my anklets chimed in sync with my footsteps as I hopped to the counter where a concoction gently bubbled. It was a tonic to cure insomnia. Made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg. It was as popular with the veil-dwellers as it was with humans. The crushed nutmeg had burnt to the core. Grunting, I dumped the contents away, taking a new batch of whole nutmeg to grind and then to smoke. The wind howled - a wailing cry that rattled my bones.
I lit another candle and went toward the only shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind, its door swinging wildly toward the outside. I breathed the petrichor and smiled absent mindedly. Why did I feel more alone during rainy days? The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The night was quickly consuming the ever-changing colors of dusk. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face and memory of my mum resurfaced, Aarohi, you'll get sick in the rain!
Just before I closed the window, I saw a glint of sharp flaming eyes. This time it belonged to a cat with fur dark as coal. Every day, during dusk some animal would be perched near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. I had eventually realized these animals were from beyond the veil - and they weren't animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn. All had the same unblinking orange eyes.
"Do you want to come in?" I yelled at the cat, above the sound of the rain. I waited few moments before closing the window. Same as the all the animals who stood there before, this cat didn't move a muscle and continued its steady stare. Mum's voice rang in my head. Dear, you must never, ever look or stray outside when its dusk or dawn!
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared, superstitious and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil - the veil that becomes the thinnest during dusk or dawn.
I wiped my face and returned to my counter. Working methodically, I gathered the ingredients from the many shelves that lined a whole wall of the room.
The sight not only gave me the ability to see the veil-dweller but also to cure ailments by perfectly tailoring the tonic by added a bit of the person's hair, nail or a bit of their blood. This made me the finest herbalist in the whole village - both in the human realm and beyond the veil.
The sight also made me hang out with dead children and have animal spirits as pets when I was younger, although I'm not able to cross over to their realm. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock thundered at my door making me flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded and I called out while re-doing my messy bun, "I'm coming! But enter quickly or the rain will wet the floor!" I fixed my emerald and then opened the door.
A man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather, it had to be a veil-dweller. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair with the towel while his clothes dried on its own accord. Once done, he passed the towel back making eye contact with me. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold. "Thanks", he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
My heart thundered in my ribcage; I had recognized these eyes. They were the same ones from the crow last week, and the cat just now. Darkness rippled from his tan skin. Wait, that isn't darkness, it's black smoke. In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I saw a Djinn in a human-form.
"Uh-um, crazy weather right!" I said awkwardly, "Is there something I can help you with?"
He smiled. "I've been watching you, Aarohi."
With nervous energy, I busied my hands to crush the nutmeg. Why was a Djinn here? A thousand thoughts buzzed my head trying to remember any advice Mum had given me, or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wondered around my house taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the still-warm bed, the table littered with notes and diagrams, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet, engulfing the floor and the walls.
I pursed my lips and spun on my heels. "Have I offended you?"
"You've been calling me to come inside all this time, haven't you?"
With a sinking feeling I remembered my mum's last warning; Always wait for them, never speak to a veil-dweller first or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had, once.
Arms wrapped around my waist. "I've come to take you with me." He whispered.
I remember his smile before darkness erupted around me.
SMOKE AND FOG - self-edited draft
The monotonous lull of the rain drops thundering atop my roof and the earthy scent wrapped me in a warm blanket of memories. Memories were painful now that I was far, far away from the ones who jumped in the puddles with me and the ones who dried my hair after I'd become fully drenched.
My groggy eyes opened to the dim light of the cabin. The candle had burned low. How long was I asleep? I thought. I stretched my frail limbs, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed when the pungent burning smell struck my senses.
Nutmeg!
I jumped of the bed shaking its wooden frame, my anklets chimed in sync with my footsteps as I hopped to the counter where a concoction gently bubbled. It was a tonic to cure insomnia. Made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg. It was as popular with the veil-dwellers as it was with humans. The crushed nutmeg had burnt to the core. Grunting, I dumped the contents away, taking a new batch of whole nutmeg to grind and then to smoke. The wind howled - a wailing cry that rattled my bones.
I lit another candle and went toward the only shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind, its door swinging wildly toward the outside. I breathed the petrichor and smiled absent mindedly. Why did I feel more alone during rainy days? The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The night was quickly consuming the ever-changing colors of dusk. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face and memory of my mum resurfaced, Aarohi, you'll get sick in the rain!
Just before I closed the window, I saw a glint of sharp flaming eyes. This time it belonged to a cat with fur dark as coal. Every day, during dusk some animal would be perched near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. I had eventually realized these animals were from beyond the veil - and they weren't animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn. All had the same unblinking orange eyes.
"Do you want to come in?" I yelled at the cat, above the sound of the rain. I waited few moments before closing the window. Same as the all the animals who stood there before, this cat didn't move a muscle and continued its steady stare. Mum's voice rang in my head. Dear, you must never, ever look or stray outside when its dusk or dawn!
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared, superstitious and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil - the veil that becomes the thinnest during dusk or dawn.
I wiped my face and returned to my counter. Working methodically, I gathered the ingredients from the many shelves that lined a whole wall of the room.
The sight not only gave me the ability to see the veil-dweller but also to cure ailments by perfectly tailoring the tonic by added a bit of the person's hair, nail or a bit of their blood. This made me the finest herbalist in the whole village - both in the human realm and beyond the veil.
The sight also made me hang out with dead children and have animal spirits as pets when I was younger, although I'm not able to cross over to their realm. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock thundered at my door making me flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded and I called out while re-doing my messy bun, "I'm coming! But enter quickly or the rain will wet the floor!" I fixed my emerald and then opened the door.
A man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather, it had to be a veil-dweller. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair with the towel while his clothes dried on its own accord. Once done, he passed the towel back making eye contact with me. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold. "Thanks", he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
My heart thundered in my ribcage; I had recognized these eyes. They were the same ones from the crow last week, and the cat just now. Darkness rippled from his tan skin. Wait, that isn't darkness, it's black smoke. In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I saw a Djinn in a human-form.
"Uh-um, crazy weather right!" I said awkwardly, "Is there something I can help you with?"
He smiled. "I've been watching you, Aarohi."
With nervous energy, I busied my hands to crush the nutmeg. Why was a Djinn here? A thousand thoughts buzzed my head trying to remember any advice Mum had given me, or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wondered around my house taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the still-warm bed, the table littered with notes and diagrams, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet, engulfing the floor and the walls.
I pursed my lips and spun on my heels. "Have I offended you?"
"You've been calling me to come inside all this time, haven't you?"
With a sinking feeling I remembered my mum's last warning; Always wait for them, never speak to a veil-dweller first or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had, once.
Arms wrapped around my waist. "I've come to take you with me." He whispered.
I remember his smile before darkness erupted around me.
6
Week 1 posts / Re: Week 1: Never Look Back
« on: August 12, 2020, 03:15:58 PM »
wow! it's great that you included your drafting process, enjoyed reading that!
7
Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: The Witch of Blue Ridge
« on: August 12, 2020, 02:45:24 PM »
wow that's got dark at the end! I want to know more about the witch!
8
Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft - SMOKE AND FOG
« on: August 12, 2020, 02:39:42 PM »
Thanks Erin and Layton. It has the main elements of the story I want to keep, but it still feels bumpy to me, don't know how to self-edit it LOL.
10
Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: An Ill-Conceived Wish
« on: August 06, 2020, 04:39:44 PM »
loved that ending and the drafting process details, great idea!
11
Week 1 posts / Re: First Draft: Space Goats
« on: August 06, 2020, 04:16:20 PM »
First time I've ever read a goat POV! couldn't stop smiling lol 
12
Week 1 posts / Re: We Who Paint The Trees
« on: August 06, 2020, 04:10:23 PM »
loving this already!
13
Week 1 posts / First Draft - SMOKE AND FOG
« on: August 06, 2020, 03:52:14 PM »
Hey!
Here's my first unedited draft at 1001 words! My hands were itching to edit as I typed!
Similar to most of my short stores, my MC's don't have names (they just don't want to tell me yet). But, this time, the story is in first-person. I wonder i'f I'll change it to my usual third-person writing after editing it.
Enjoy
SMOKE AND FOG
The monotonous lull of the rain drops thundering atop my roof and the earthy scent wrapped me in a warm blanket of memories. Memories were painful now that I was far, far away from the ones with whom I jumped in rain puddles with and those who dried my hair after I’d become fully drenched.
My groggy eyes opened to the dim light of the cabin. The candle had burned low. How long was I asleep? I thought. I stretched my frail limbs, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed when the pungent undertone of nutmeg struck my senses.
Nutmeg!
I jumped of the bed shaking its wooden frame, my anklets chimed in sync with footsteps as I went to take a look at my concoction that was set on my table. A tonic of sorts made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg to cure insomnia. It was one of my bestsellers. Apparently, the veil-dwellers had trouble sleeping as much as humans did. The crushed nutmeg was burnt to the core. Grunting, I dumped the contents away, taking a new batch of whole nutmeg to grind and then to smoke, just then the wind howled – a wailing cry.
I lit another candle and went toward the shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind, its door swinging wildly toward the outside. The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The sky proudly displayed its palette of cool colors as night gradually took over. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face before I could shut the window.
But just before that, I saw a glint of sharp flaming eyes. This time it belonged to a cat with fur dark as coal. Every day, during dusk some animal would be perched near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. All had the same unblinking orange eyes. Mum’s voice rang in my head. Have I not told you not to look or stray outside when its dusk or dawn!
I had soon realized these animals who visited me were from beyond the veil – and they weren’t animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn.
“Do you want to come in?” I yelled above the sound of the rain, at the cat. I waited few seconds before closing the window. Same as the all the animals who stood there before, this cat didn’t move a muscle and continued its steady stare.
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared and superstitious and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil – the veil that becomes the thinnest during dusk or dawn.
I wiped my face and returned to my desk and flipped my notes to the page of potion to make labor pain bearable. Working methodically, I gathered the ingredients from the many shelves that lined one whole wall of the room.
The sight allowed me to learn about illnesses by touching the person or having their hair, nail or a bit of their blood. It also gave me the knowledge of which flowers and spice cure which ailments, making me the finest herbalist in the whole country – both in the human realm and beyond the veil.
The sight, however, also made me hang out with dead children and keep animal spirits as pets when I was younger. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock thundered at my door and made my flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded and I called out, “I’m coming! But enter quickly or the rain will wet the floor!” I fixed my emerald gown and re-did my hair in a messy bun. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather, it had to be the veil-dwellers.
I opened the door and a man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair with the towel while his clothes dried on its own accord. Once done, he passed the towel back making eye contact with me. “Thanks”, he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
Darkness dripped from his tanned skin. Wait, that isn’t darkness, it was black smoke. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold, while his now-dried dark hair moved on an invisible wind.
My heart thundered in my ribcage; I recognized these eyes. They were the same one from the deer last week, the owl yesterday, and the cat just now. In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I saw a Djinn in a human-form.
“Uh-um, crazy weather right!” I said awkwardly, “Is there something I can help you with?” I couldn’t take my eyes of his striking eyes and sharp jaw line.
He smiled. “I’ve been watching you.”
With nervous energy, I busy my hands to crush the nutmeg. A thousand thoughts buzzed my head trying to remember any advice Mum had given me, or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wondered around my house taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the bed I was just sleeping in, the table where notes and diagrams littered, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet.
I fisted my hands and spun on my heels. “Have I offended you?”
“You’ve been calling me to come inside all this time, haven’t you?”
With a sinking feeling I remembered what my mom told me before I had left the village; Always wait for them, never speak to a veil-dweller first or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had.
Here's my first unedited draft at 1001 words! My hands were itching to edit as I typed!
Similar to most of my short stores, my MC's don't have names (they just don't want to tell me yet). But, this time, the story is in first-person. I wonder i'f I'll change it to my usual third-person writing after editing it.
Enjoy
SMOKE AND FOG
The monotonous lull of the rain drops thundering atop my roof and the earthy scent wrapped me in a warm blanket of memories. Memories were painful now that I was far, far away from the ones with whom I jumped in rain puddles with and those who dried my hair after I’d become fully drenched.
My groggy eyes opened to the dim light of the cabin. The candle had burned low. How long was I asleep? I thought. I stretched my frail limbs, deeply inhaling the wood spice of the incense and coughed when the pungent undertone of nutmeg struck my senses.
Nutmeg!
I jumped of the bed shaking its wooden frame, my anklets chimed in sync with footsteps as I went to take a look at my concoction that was set on my table. A tonic of sorts made from raw honey, dried lavender and smoked nutmeg to cure insomnia. It was one of my bestsellers. Apparently, the veil-dwellers had trouble sleeping as much as humans did. The crushed nutmeg was burnt to the core. Grunting, I dumped the contents away, taking a new batch of whole nutmeg to grind and then to smoke, just then the wind howled – a wailing cry.
I lit another candle and went toward the shuttered window that I had in my single room dwelling. I forced it open against the wind, its door swinging wildly toward the outside. The mountains in the distance were barely visible in the dense fog. The sky proudly displayed its palette of cool colors as night gradually took over. Another gust of wind plastered the raindrops on my face before I could shut the window.
But just before that, I saw a glint of sharp flaming eyes. This time it belonged to a cat with fur dark as coal. Every day, during dusk some animal would be perched near the large oak tree in front of my cabin. All had the same unblinking orange eyes. Mum’s voice rang in my head. Have I not told you not to look or stray outside when its dusk or dawn!
I had soon realized these animals who visited me were from beyond the veil – and they weren’t animals at all. They were shape-shifting Djinn.
“Do you want to come in?” I yelled above the sound of the rain, at the cat. I waited few seconds before closing the window. Same as the all the animals who stood there before, this cat didn’t move a muscle and continued its steady stare.
Mum always talked in a hushed voice. She was scared and superstitious and perhaps overprotective. I was not one to get spooked easily. Much to her distress, I was the only child with the sight. Sight to see beyond the veil – the veil that becomes the thinnest during dusk or dawn.
I wiped my face and returned to my desk and flipped my notes to the page of potion to make labor pain bearable. Working methodically, I gathered the ingredients from the many shelves that lined one whole wall of the room.
The sight allowed me to learn about illnesses by touching the person or having their hair, nail or a bit of their blood. It also gave me the knowledge of which flowers and spice cure which ailments, making me the finest herbalist in the whole country – both in the human realm and beyond the veil.
The sight, however, also made me hang out with dead children and keep animal spirits as pets when I was younger. This pushed my mum to the brink of derangement and led the village to banish me to the Spirit Mountains at the age of thirteen.
A knock thundered at my door and made my flinch out of my daze. Another knock sounded and I called out, “I’m coming! But enter quickly or the rain will wet the floor!” I fixed my emerald gown and re-did my hair in a messy bun. There was no way a human would venture out in this weather, it had to be the veil-dwellers.
I opened the door and a man walked in, drenched to the bone and trembling. I quickly closed the door and passed him a towel. He wiped his hair with the towel while his clothes dried on its own accord. Once done, he passed the towel back making eye contact with me. “Thanks”, he said in a calming, lullaby voice.
Darkness dripped from his tanned skin. Wait, that isn’t darkness, it was black smoke. His eyes were shimmering shades of gold, while his now-dried dark hair moved on an invisible wind.
My heart thundered in my ribcage; I recognized these eyes. They were the same one from the deer last week, the owl yesterday, and the cat just now. In the two decades since my banishment and living with the sight on these mountains, this was the first time I saw a Djinn in a human-form.
“Uh-um, crazy weather right!” I said awkwardly, “Is there something I can help you with?” I couldn’t take my eyes of his striking eyes and sharp jaw line.
He smiled. “I’ve been watching you.”
With nervous energy, I busy my hands to crush the nutmeg. A thousand thoughts buzzed my head trying to remember any advice Mum had given me, or any instant when I might have insulted a veil-dweller.
The djinn wondered around my house taking in the jars that neatly lined the walls, the bed I was just sleeping in, the table where notes and diagrams littered, and the counter where I stood. He came up behind me, his black smoke pooling around my feet.
I fisted my hands and spun on my heels. “Have I offended you?”
“You’ve been calling me to come inside all this time, haven’t you?”
With a sinking feeling I remembered what my mom told me before I had left the village; Always wait for them, never speak to a veil-dweller first or they will become irreversibly tied to you.
I had.
14
Week 0 posts / Re: First Impressions! Calming yet mysterious
« on: August 06, 2020, 03:29:42 PM »Fariha! I'm so glad you're back!
I love how you have your first snap-impressions and then further ones from looking more closely at various details! This is going to be great!
Thanks SK! Great to have you join as well.
The prompt has so many layers, every time I see a new thing Lol!
15
Week 0 posts / Re: First Impressions! Calming yet mysterious
« on: August 04, 2020, 01:37:48 AM »Farihaaaaa... I'm so glad you joined us again!
I love reading all the little details you found in the prompt, and you know I'm eagerly waiting to see what you come up with.
KJ!! Thank you! It's great to have WIM back in action with a great prompt
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