The Fog: 3rd Draft (CP Comments Incorporated)

[Merethebookgal]

My critique partners gave me a few suggestions for small but important details, and then I did a little bit of tweaking (because I can't help myself  ) but overall, it's largely unchanged from the last draft. Just a bit more polished 



"Chuck, I need those new images, and I need them now!" Amanda shouted from her office.

Tensions were high at the Department of Fog Investigation, Control, and Eradication (FICE) headquarters in Silver Spring, Maryland. Scientists and engineers typed away furiously while the phones rang off the hook.

Chuck turned from his monitor with wide eyes and a forehead beaded in sweat. "I'm pulling them up on the main screen."

The Fog was back. Years had passed since its last occurrence, and many at FICE hoped it was a false alarm, but once cell phone footage started spreading, panic set in.

There was no mistaking the Fog. It moved in intricate, whirling patterns that were part dancer and part predator. The mist enveloped its victims' faces and forced itself inside any open cavity. The transformation into a homicidal extension of the Fog was immediate.

Amanda entered the control room and studied the live satellite feed. '"It doesn't seem to be spreading."

"Correct," another woman answered as she joined Amanda. "The Fog is concentrated in Baltimore's inner harbor area."

Amanda sighed and pinched her nose. "It would choose a tourist destination. One can only hope the hotels are properly equipped for the situation."

"I've been in contact with field offices across the country, and there are no other reported sightings."

Amanda studied the newcomer. "And you are?"

"Jeannette, ma'am. Jeannette Miller. I lead the Eradication Prototype Team."

"Ah," Amanda said with a little laugh. "Of course. You've been working on a laser gun or something, yes?"

Jeannette pursed her lips. "It's more than that. We've built portable machines that mimic the sun's rays and tropical storm force wind."

"Ma'am," Chuck said as he looked up from his monitor. "I have the FICE Special Forces strike team leader on a secured video line."

Amanda jutted her chin toward the screen and a grainy video with an officer in fatigues appeared. She looked to be in the thick of it.

"Captain Meagan Wilson reporting, ma'am. We evacuated the area and formed a quarter-mile perimeter, but require orders for our next steps. A few units attempted engaging with the Fog, but they were quickly overcome."

Meagan had a grim look as she shook her head. "It's like the person in there is gone. No one should have to put down their own unit members. Their friends."

Everyone in the control room grew quiet at this sobering information.

Amanda cleared her throat. "We are looking at our options, but for now-"

"Send in my team," said Jeannette.

Startled at the interruption, Amanda turned to face her. "You can't be serious."

"We've made some important discoveries recently, and-"

Amanda let out a derisive snort.

Jeannette squared her shoulders. "What are your options? Normal fog needs heat to dissipate, but whatever makes up this Fog can keep its temperature close enough to the dew point to stay around for as long as it likes. Do you want to hide, or do you want to fight back?"

Amanda held her gaze and Jeannette did not flinch.

Amanda turned back to the screen. "Wilson, what are your thoughts?"

"Well, it's like she said, ma'am. We don't have many options," Meagan replied with a shrug. "Send them out and I'll supply backup."

Amanda looked to the ceiling and sighed. "You have ten minutes to get your team and your laser guns on the helipad."

"Thank you, ma'am," Jeannette said as she broke into a wide grin. "But they aren't-"

Amanda waved her hands as she stormed back into her office. "I don't care what they are. Go kill that thing."

***

Thirty minutes later, Jeannette-with her team of four and their machines in tow-were in a military vehicle driving down an empty sidewalk toward the Fog. It had gone back over the water, whether to draw up more moisture to multiply, or to store up enough for traveling further inland, they couldn't be sure.

Jeannette turned to her team when the vehicle stopped. "We need to surround the Fog. Robert and Sandra will take boats out into the harbor while the rest of us spread out along the shoreline."

Everyone nodded their assent, checked the signals on their radios, and went their separate ways.

Jeannette set up on a nearby pier. The machine's power was stable, and the current readings were strong. It was eerily quiet without the regular foot traffic. She looked out at the thick cloud of mist and shivered. It seemed to be pacing the harbor, as if stalking prey.

The machines had never been tested on a real specimen, so there was no guarantee they would work. Did I just send my team to their deaths? Jeannette asked herself as her stomach roiled.

Her radio came to life.

"Come in, Jeannette. We are ready."

"10-4. On my mark. Three, two, one, GO!"

Five intense beams of light and heat shot out in all directions at the Fog. The effect was swift, and the Fog twisted this way and that, as if in pain.

Holes developed in the large mass, and a cheer rang out from the nearby troops, but the Fog reformed. It swooped down and shrouded Robert's boat. Gunshots and screams could be heard as those aboard were overtaken.

"No!" Jeannette cried out, tears streaming down her face.

"Add the wind," Sandra called through the radio.

Jeannette came back to her senses long enough to switch on the wind function.

Between the heat and constant gusts, the Fog could not keep its form. Little by little, the harbor cleared.

Jeannette splayed out on the pavement and let out a long, shuddering breath.

A soldier shouted, "It's still out there. Look!"

Jeannette sat up and spotted a few remaining wisps. They merged and sped out of the harbor before her team could regroup.

She tracked the Fog until it was out of sight, her mouth set in a thin line. "We'll be ready next time."