Here is the final draft of The Day They Came! This week was all about tightening up sentences and cutting out unnecessary filler words after adding a bunch during the CP round. I really love how this turned out and I kind of want to expand on it in the future. Maybe my first YA dystopian will get written next year lol!
Nadia trudged up the staircase, bare feet stinging from the chilled metal. Her back ached from another restless sleep in the barracks. Nadia stifled a yawn with her poncho, the only garment she owned that could brace her for the cold of the tower in the mornings. She stood watch from dawn until dusk every day. For how long and for what? The council never said. Just to watch and light the flare if she saw anything
She nudged the tower door open, the biting air smacking her face and pushing sleep from her bones. Anton leaned against the pole on the roof, his lanky frame stockstill as she padded over. He was basking like a lizard in the sunlight beginning to peak over the horizon. At least he was allotted a wool blanket to ward off the frigid temperatures of the night.
Atop the tower, Nadia could see all the compound: the barracks, the school, the fields, the wall, and of course, the waste. Beyond the barbed wire that topped the high walls sprawled the vast, dark land of poison and nightmares, the things that grew there gnarled and misshapen. When the clouds hung heavy in the sky, she could see animals walking among the trees. They didn't look like the livestock that roamed the compound freely. Their bodies were choked with odd growths, and their skin was sensitive to light. She'd only ever seen one up close, after it'd been killed attacking the walls.
Today, however, the sun illuminated all the nooks and crannies. Nothing would be out wandering beneath its gleaming light. Nadia sighed as she plopped down beside Anton and wrapped her poncho tightly around her, steam escaping her lips as she exhaled.
"Anything interesting?" She knew there wouldn?t be.
"No. Quiet and dark. And damn cold." His words plumed into white clouds as he rubbed his hands furiously.
Anton stood and patted her shoulder before jogging to the door. Nadia huddled beneath her poncho, the wool scratching her feet as she pulled her knees close. Another day, watching for nothing. At least it was an easy job, she didn't have to shear wool or harvest crops. She spent her time daydreaming of far off, perfect places, untouched by whatever had eaten the earth.
When she dreamed it was of being able to leave. She would find a beautiful oasis, with fresh clean water and green trees stretching towards the clouds. The plants would be safe to eat and birds would sing from the branches. But no one ever left, or at least it hadn't been recorded in the memory book as happening recently. Leaving the compound was a death sentence according to the council. What else could have happened to all those who dared to leave the safety of the walls?
The day stretched on, and as the sun beat down on the stone of the tower, Nadia stretched out languidly. She occasionally tilted her head to look over the waste, but there was nothing interesting to watch today. Instead, she looked towards the sky. Sometimes there would be birds, and on days when there weren't, she'd make shapes and stories about the clouds. Anything to break the monotony of watching the bleak landscape. With the warmth of the sun above and the heated stone below, she drifted to sleep. Her eyes fluttered as she dreamed of perfect grassy plains filled with the animals she?d seen in books.
When she woke it was to high peals of laughter from the children below. School was over and the children were running amok before their parents wrangled them for chores. Even they got to have more fun than she did, sitting up on the tower all day to die of boredom. Nadia turned her attention to the black forest covering the horizon. Once again, there was nothing. Anton wouldn't return until dusk, she had several more hours to wait for him to take over. She swung her feet over the edge and tapped the stone with her heels, continuing to stare out.
It was then a glint caught her eye, a piece of metal or a mirror caught in the branch. She studied it curiously, her heart beating faster. There had never been anything like that before. The random glittering turned into patterned flashes. Nadia jumped up, hand over her eyes to get a better look. It was still there; she wasn't imagining it. She watched for several minutes, wondering what it could be. A piece of mirror left by a bird? A message? And if it was a message who was sending it? No one was supposed to be out there. They'd been told it was just their compound that'd survived the decimation, their high walls and bunkers kept them protected. But could it be? Nadia hoped wistfully.
"Please." She murmured as the light suddenly stopped.
There was movement. At first it looked like parts of the trees were stretching out, their darkness spreading, but then it was more, much more. Large metal boxes appeared. She wasn't sure how they were moving without animals pulling them, but on the boxes, in them, all around them, were people.
Living, breathing people.
A grin stretched across Nadia's face, so wide and hard it made her cheeks hurt. This! This was something! Of the hundreds upon hundreds of days that she'd watched, there was finally something!
She fumbled with the box at the base of the antenna. The lock wouldn't open fast enough under her jittering hands. Its lid cracked loudly against the stone as she flung it open. A lone flare waited inside and with a shaking hand she grasped it. She gave the metal boxes and their people one last glance?there were so many now coming out of the trees, coming towards them. She hadn't dreamed it. Those were people. They weren't alone.
Letting out a joyous whoop, Nadia lit the flare and held it aloft for all in the compound to see. Finally, something was coming.
Topic: Final Draft: The Day They Came (Read 2276 times)