My self-edited draft - I rarely write short stories so found working to a 1000 word limit hard but also good editing practice. Still not 100% happy with it and it's definitely less short story now and more the start of something bigger 
But in a nutshell I tried to:
* Tighten dialogue
* Improve descriptions (real weak point for me)
* Fight my nemeses: passive voice, filler words and adverbs
* Delve deeper into MC personalities & history
* Strengthen the Greek mythology link
* Completely change the ending?! 
Crouched atop the ugly mountainside building, Malthas stretched his leathery wings and studied his new bride. She stood immobile in the clearing, an alpine breeze billowing her clothes and hair. Crickets chirped in the grass, bats darted overhead and the tattoo on her wrist, his spiral emblem, whispered insistently. She remained voiceless among the alabaster flowers, empty as a statue.
The portal to his realm pulsed beneath the concrete structure, anxious to seal shut. He cursed. He'd cloaked himself in shadows to infiltrate the human festival in the valley, enduring the drunken fools and shrill music to snatch the girl. When they landed, she'd bolted into the undergrowth. Now, every time he waded into the blooms, something repelled him.
"Come to me," he commanded.
She remained vacant, unseeing. The flowers quivered, their stems tightening around her ankles. Their cloying aroma intensified, keeping her consciousness at bay.
He ground his teeth. "
Come to me."
"Leave her be, demon."
Another young woman emerged from the treeline. Petite and barefoot, her gown shimmering in the moonlight and her auburn braid woven with vines.
Of course. Who else. "Damn you, Echo. Release my bride from your enchantment immediately."
"I will not."
"Why are you even here? Shouldn't you be mooning after that vapid Greek, Narcissus? Did the so-called god ever return your adoration?"
She crossed her arms. "Mind your business."
He smirked. "You broke that nasty curse and recovered your voice, at least. Surrender the girl."
"This world has transformed since last you came, Malthas." She edged closer. "Humans reign supreme now. We ancients are mythoi, our symbols used as meaningless body art. The mark she bears is decoration. She doesn't hear it calling you."
"Nonetheless, she carries my emblem. She belongs to me."
"She doesn't," Echo snapped. "You terrify her. You're an idol here no more, your temple vanished long ago."
"Yes, what is this eyesore obscuring my portal?"
It was her turn to smirk. "No longer a magnificent shrine, is it? Your disciples are gone too. I never expected to see you again."
He leapt from the roof, flaring his wings as he landed. "Be warned, meddlesome nymph, I'll gladly spill blood to secure my prize."
"You cannot harm me on my mountain."
"Such confidence." He loomed over her, drawing the glinting blade that cowed a thousand enemies. "Let's test it."
She didn't even flinch. Before he could decide whether to be impressed or insulted, she flicked her wrists as if shooing insects. A gust of wind caught his wings, hurling him against the building. Pain ripped through him, stars exploding in his vision. He shook his head dazedly, then the ground rumbled and thick roots erupted in a shower of earth. He wrenched sideways, a roar burning his throat as they bound his forearms.
"You will not take humans anymore." Her emerald eyes blazed. "I'll detain you for eternity if necessary."
"I want a bride!" He jerked against the restraints. "My last one died so long ago, I've forgotten her face. I'm forbidden to wed unless my emblem summons me here. Loneliness is relentless, Echo. It eats you alive."
Her countenance softened. "I know."
"Give her to me," he pleaded. "She'll want for nothing as my queen."
"I vowed to ensure only
willing humans accompany you. There are none left."
"I will make her love me-"
"Love cannot be forced, Malthas. Trust me, I know."
A dark, familiar ache gnawed his insides and he slumped. "Then take up my sword. Let's see how immortality fares against a blade through the heart."
"Don't be ridiculous. I'm no killer. But..." She rushed her next words. "Would a nymph make a suitable alternative?"
He blinked. "Alternative what?"
"Bride, obviously."
His jaw dropped. "Are you drunk?"
"Certainly not," she retorted. "I'm offering myself in place of all mortals. Our union would be everlasting-"
"I don't understand. The humans have forgotten you. Why do you protect them?"
"Because I pledged to do so." She raised her chin. "Although the world has altered, my oath is eternal. Besides, a change of scenery might be nice."
Did she understand what she was offering? "We're discussing infinity, not a daytrip. You've made your hostility plain over the eons. I'm hardly the husband of your dreams."
"Nor I the devoted wife of yours."
A huffed chuckle escaped him. "You're serious."
She gestured at his sword. "You'd prefer to be stabbed?"
"Actually, no." He pursed his lips as distant strands of festival music drifted over them. Technically, he wouldn't be breaking any laws. He'd obeyed his emblem's call. Selecting an alternative bride wasn't illegal. At least, he hoped not. "Very well. I accept your proposition."
At her nod, petals streamed from the flowers on a sweet-scented wind, marking a tumbling path down the mountainside.
"Guide her to safety," she instructed the blossoms. "Awaken her in the valley."
Arms outstretched and eyes glazed, the human jerked into motion, petals swirling around her. He barely noticed her departure, his attention locked on Echo as she exhaled shakily. Was she frightened? Regretful? Even relieved? He wasn't sure.
The building's dust, cobwebs and general barrenness infuriated him when they entered, yet somehow, the nymph's summery aroma soothed his ire. The portal vibrated, creating spiral shadows on the fractured tiles. Half-expecting her to flee, he extended his hand. After a moment's hesitation, she accepted it with a shy smile. His heart swelled. For the first time in centuries, he allowed himself a glimmer of hope.
"Echo, are you here? That repulsive demon has returned..."
A man peeped around the door. A divinely beautiful man, whose splendour didn't match his peevish expression.
"Narcissus," Echo gasped, dropping Malthas' hand like a guilty child.
Peering into the gloom, the newcomer gaped. "Get away from her, brute!"
Malthas snarled, tensing for battle. Simultaneously the portal imploded, dragging Narcissus, shrieking, into the room.
As the trio plummeted into oblivion, Malthas made his own vow. If that preening god intended to steal his new bride, the fight was on.
Topic: The Bride (2nd draft, self-edits) (Read 2002 times)