Writer In Motion Forum

Author Topic: My First draft  (Read 1176 times)

Mossy222

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2
  • I am a Writer In Motion
    • View Profile
My First draft
« on: July 15, 2021, 01:50:16 PM »
I am posting the whole thing here as I don't have a blog of any kind.

A King?s Ransom

The mountain range rose high and ominous into the dark night sky, the moonlight illuminated the snowy peaks and gave them an eyrie glow. Jutting out of the side of the mountains was a wooden building known in the city as the refuge and this was Bacca?s destination. This building was meant to be a place of protection for people if ever there was war. The rich would go to the castle for protection, but everyone else would be held up here. An evil currently dwelled here and Bacca had been sent to deal with it.

The winter wind blew cold and threatened to blow out his torch as he approached the front of the building. The front of the refuge must have been no more than 10 foot high and 15 foot across and it was easily dwarfed by the massive mountain range which was hundreds times taller and stretched on for miles.

There was usually a guard standing watch, but the king had ordered everyone to stay away until the matter of the unwanted lodger had been taken care of.

It had been a week since the king had given him this task during his 100th birthday celebrations. He was surprisingly healthy for a 100-year-old but had admitted he needed a successor. So, he gave Bacca a fine sword and promised if he could kill the evil in the refuge then he would get his daughter?s hand in marriage and his throne upon his death. The king had taken ill the very next day, once again proving his wisdom in all things.

Bacca opened one of the large double doors, which were not locked, and slipped inside. The hinges on the heavy door let out a squeak as they closed behind him. The dark warehouse spread out in front of him with a little moonlight shining in from the windows set high up in the wall. These windows had cloth coverings to keep out the elements, so they did not offer much light.

Bacca could see barrels stacked on either side, which were full of preserved food, as well as piles of animal furs, crude blankets, and some rudimentary weapons. Bacca considered looking through the weapons for anything worth taking but knew there would not be anything better than the longsword he already wore on his hip that the king had given him.

Bacca moved forward through what was essentially a storage house. The wooden building only jutted out of the mountain about 20 feet, so it was not long before he came to the portcullis which was the entrance to the mountains proper. It was open and was only ever meant to be closed once everyone and all provisions were safely inside.

There was a short tunnel which led to a large open cavern, the top of which disappeared into the gloom evading Bacca?s small torch. As Bacca stepped forward he could see there were many other tunnels and side chambers leading off from this man cavern and there was light coming from one on the far side. So slowly Bacca creeped around the side of the cavern sticking closely to the wall and making as little sound as possible.

Bacca stopped just outside the opening where the light was coming from. He took a deep breath and stepped into the light.
There stood a figure in a black cloak and hood. Under his hood he wore a black mask which covered his face. Bacca drew his sword.

?Draw your weapon? Bacca demanded.

?I have no need for weapons? answered the man in a rasping voice.

The king had told Bacca how dangerous this man was, so he wasted no time. He sprung forward and thrust his sword into the man?s chest.

Bacca reached up and pulled off the dark mask which covered the man?s face. What was underneath was confusing and horrifying. It was the king, but his flesh had rotted away and what was left was a foul green colour, his skin was hanging off in one large loose flap on his left cheek. His lips were completely gone, his eyes were white and glazed over. He looked like a corpse.

?What kind of illusion is this? asked bacca, barely containing his shock. ?What kind of demon are you??

Suddenly smoke started to pour out of the nostrils of the man, and he then opened his mouth to let out yet more smoke. Bacca let go of his sword, still lodged in the man?s chest, and took a step back.

?What new trick is this demon?? Bacca said confused.

The man did not respond but instead fell to the ground motionless.

The smoke hung in the air like some strange black cloud and before Bacca had time to think it was upon him, surrounding him. He cried out and the sound echoed in the caverns, but there was nobody around to hear it.

Bacca fell to the ground arms flailing wildly as he tried to fight off the smoke. As he struggled, he could not help but breath it in. He choked and could feel the darkness closing in all around him. His last thoughts were of the sweet promises the king had made him, now so empty, so bitter.

The king rose from the ground, it had been more of a fight than he was used to but that was a good sign and showed promise for his new body. He pulled his sword from the now useless cloaked corpse and headed for the exit, towards freedom and his promised reward.

Meredith Crosbie

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4
  • I am a Writer In Motion
    • View Profile
Re: My First draft
« Reply #1 on: July 15, 2021, 03:38:45 PM »
Oooh loved the Witcher vibes of this, and the twist at the end! ??? Looking forward to seeing more over the next few weeks.