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Author Topic: First Draft: La Capitaine  (Read 2137 times)

Dani Frank

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First Draft: La Capitaine
« on: November 05, 2019, 06:42:57 PM »
Welcome

Please continue to lower your bar as I present to you...my first draft. Initially, I was just writing my outline, which tends to be wordy. At some point that just transitioned into the first draft. That's right. I've managed a super hybrid of the planner/pantser strategy.
So what you see here, despite getting close to the word limit, is very bare bones. That's next-week-Dani's problem. I also had a real issue coming up with a name for the male character and ended up using Guy as a filler then never coming up with something else. This may change in future edits, but maybe I don't even care enough about that guy to try to give him a name anymore. Emotions are high!

La Capitaine

Captian Guy Roberts knows she has a map to the talisman so he sneaks onto her ship but she catches him rifling through her chamber and shows him that she does have the map and then she burns it in front of him and orders him to the brig.
Guy did not come without an escape plan and his ship appears from nowhere and starts firing in her ship. Margot is gloating over Guy when the cannons start shooting and a hole is punctured through the cell freeing him. The ship shakes heavily from the blast and Guy's eyes widen as he falls back through the hole in the side of the ship, tumbling into the water below. Margot, forgetting herself and remembering their history, jumps in after him. In the water, she cuts his hands free so he won't drown and that's when she realizes it was a trap.
A boat comes around from behind his ship and pulls the two of them into it and Margot is dragged onto the ship. She is the only person who has seen the map and Guy knows how flawless her memory is.
As Margot is taken below deck, she sees her ship sink below the waters. Guy has betrayed her for the last time. She will never forgive him.
Her hands still tied, she spins around and grabs Guy's sword before he is able to stop her. And pushes the blade tight to his neck.
"This isn't personal, Margot."
"That's Capitaine Margot to you," she snarled.
"Very well," he replied, Stepping back from her blade and accepting another offered by a member of his crew. "Your ship is already below the sea. Is there even a point to duelig now?"
Morgot managed to cut the ties on her hands with the sword and prepared her stance. This wasn't the first time she faught Guy, but it would be her last.
Metal clangs as they follow each other acroos the deck. At one point, Guy manages to grab Margot by her braid, swinging his sword to cut her throat. Margot ducks and the sword slices through her hair.
"O'm tired of playing games, Margot" he growls, "tell me whre the talisman is."
"You want the talisman Guy?" Margot pulled a chain out from around her neck. At the end hung a long cylinder inscribed with syjmbold. "I already found it"
Guys eyes widened with greed and he lunged at her. Margot dodged his attack and peiece his side. Running to the edge fo the deck, she started climbing the ropes up to the crows nest. Guy, still bleeding held his side a watched her as she climbed,
"you have no where to go Margot. The talisman is mine"
Reaching the nest, Margot again pulled out the talisman. Holding it high aboce her head, she spoke the incantiation. Out in the ocean the water began to boil, but Guy still hadn't noticed. He had bandaged his side and was attempting to climb up to her.
When the first mast burst through the water all of the crew turned to see what the commotion was. As though it always sailed from the deep, Margot's ship returned to the surface, leakng water down its sides.
"A ghost sthip," the crew below began murmuring.
Water continued to drop down its sides as it lined itself up with Guy's ship. The first cannon broke the crew from its trance and they all ran to attach positions. Guy, however had not stopped his pursuit of Margot and she was quickly alerted to his presense by a hand firmly grasping her ankle. Throwing her coat tail to the side so she had a better view, she placed her captured foot firmly on the plank and kicked Guy with all her might using the other. His grip loosedn but didn?t detach and she saw blood running from his nose when he turned back to her, his upper lip raised at the corner to show his teeth.
Unsheething her sword, she held it to his face, hobering above his left eye.
"I don't have time for you Guy. I have places to be"
"You wouldn't dare, Margot" replied Guy "We have history"
"That's Capitaine Margot" and she gabbed him with her sword, just enogh to leave a streak from brow to chin, he might lose the eye but he would live. He was right. They did have history. Guy grabbed his face with a scream and Margot took the opening to slide down to the sail and cut loose a rope.
"May we never meet again" she called up to Guy, who was snearing hate at her with his one good eye, the other covered by his hand. Taking the rope firmly in her hand, she jumped of f the ledge and swung across the casm to her ship.
"Allons-y, mes comarades" she called as her boots hit the deck.
La Capitaine Margot Toulouse sailed off into the sunset, as the smoldering remains of Guy Roberts vessel sank to the deep. That wouldn't ve enogh to end him, but she would let him live another day. She had greater treasure waiting for her beyond the horizon.
« Last Edit: November 05, 2019, 06:54:44 PM by Dani Frank »

SKaeth

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #1 on: November 05, 2019, 06:57:07 PM »
I love this! Ships are awesome.

And huge kudos to you for being so brave, posting this outline-morphing-into-first-draft. It's amazing when the story captures you as you write it, isn't it? Way to go! I can't wait to see where you take this from here.

Grim Dreamer

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #2 on: November 05, 2019, 07:31:45 PM »
You had me at ghost ship. Interested in seeing that in more detail!

Steph Whitaker

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #3 on: November 05, 2019, 08:54:36 PM »
I've never seen anyone morph an outline/synopsis into a first draft. That's a new one for me, but I can see where it can defiantly work. I can't wait to see where you take it from here. I have naming issues too, and it always slows me down. Putting in a spacer name is a great way to keep rolling with the story.  ;D

K. J. Harrowick

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #4 on: November 06, 2019, 06:44:12 PM »
I. Love. So many things about this draft!  8)  The outline to scene flow is wonderful, and a great way to show that no first draft is perfect or wrong. Beautiful work!

Please continue to lower your bar as I present to you...my first draft.

I laughed so hard at this I scared my dog.  ;D

songmaiden

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #5 on: November 07, 2019, 01:32:58 AM »
Love the ghost ship! And I almost wanted to see her toss the talisman and tell him to fetch LOLOL. She's a sassy character--love that.

JenDavenport

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #6 on: November 07, 2019, 08:59:28 PM »
This is fantastic. It has a Pirates of the Caribbean feel. 

Megan Van Dyke

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #7 on: November 08, 2019, 05:27:23 PM »
Ghost ship!!!! I love it! Such a fun adventure on the high seas. I really love how you shared your synopsis outline too. Looking forward to reading more of this in the coming weeks!

KristenH

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2019, 09:44:42 PM »
I love the science fiction theme here with ships flying in the air. It took my mind on a journey. Great sense of imagery and sensory details.

Jeni Chappelle

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #9 on: November 10, 2019, 03:50:25 AM »
Yay plantser! I didn't read the story yet since I'll be editing it later, but I loved reading about your process.

Thuy

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #10 on: November 11, 2019, 12:03:33 AM »
This story has all the action/ghost/pirate goodies, and I'm here for it! Not to mention how much I love your outside-the-box outline-draft hybrid technique. It works spectacularly well, and I'm so excited to see how the outline paragraphs morph into scenes.

arianascribbles

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Re: First Draft: La Capitaine
« Reply #11 on: November 13, 2019, 01:45:05 AM »
I am also a plantser and I also do weird outline/first draft hybrids!!
I love this. I?m really jonesing for some pirates right now so this hit the spot. Can?t wait to see it take its full form!