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Author Topic: Morgan- First Draft: The Day They Came  (Read 2872 times)

morganwilson

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Morgan- First Draft: The Day They Came
« on: November 06, 2019, 07:11:47 PM »
So this is definitely rough, but here is Nadia in "The Day They Came"!

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Nadia trudged up the metal staircase. Her back ached from yet another restless sleep on the cots in the barracks. She stifled a yawn with her poncho, the only garment she had that could brace her for the cold of the tower. It was her duty to watch from dawn until dusk, every day. For how much longer and for what? They never said. Just to watch and light the flare if something was coming. She had a feeling they were waiting for something or someone to come or to return maybe. She didn't know and there was no point in asking, they'd just tell her to do her job. At least all she had to do was watch, even if it was bitterly cold in the mornings.

She nudged the tower door open, the cold air smacking her in the face and pushing any sleep from her bones. Anton was leaning against the old pole on the rooftop, basking in sunlight just beginning to peak over the horizon. He was dressed a bit warmer since he had the night shift. At least he was allotted a woolen blanket to ward off the frigid temperatures. He didn't even acknowledge her presence as she padded over softly in bare feet to his side.

From atop the tower you could see all of the compound: the barracks, the school, the fields, the wall and of course, beyond it. Beyond the high stone, barbed wire topped walls lay the waste. A vast, dark land of poison and nightmares. The things that grew there were gnarled and poisonous to eat. Sometimes, on days when the clouds hung heavy in the sky, you could see animals walking among the bushes and trees that managed to spring forth. They didn't look like the chickens and pigs that roamed the compound freely.

Today, however, the sun was illuminating all the nooks and crannies. Nothing would be out wandering beneath its gleaming light. Nadia sighed as she plopped down beside Anton and wrapped her poncho tightly around her, frost escaping her lips as she exhaled.

"Anything interesting?" She knew there wouldn't be, she asked anyway.

"No. Quiet and dark. And damn cold." His words pluming before him in white clouds as he rubbed his hands furiously against his pants.

Anton stood and patted her shoulder before trotting to the door and down the stairs. Now he could go warm up after spending a long night on the tower. She huddled beneath her poncho, the wool scratching the tops of her feet as she hugged them close. Just another day, watching for nothing. She usually spent her time daydreaming of far off places, places perfect and untouched by whatever had eaten the earth. She dreamed of the animals she saw in the picture books at the school, giraffes with their long necks and jaguars with teeth like knives. But mostly, she dreamed of being able to leave the compound. No one ever left, or at least no one had in recent memory. Her mother had said a couple had left when she was young, but they'd never been seen since. Leaving the compound was a death sentence, what else could have happened to all those that dared to leave the safety of the walls?

The day stretched on and as the high sun beat down on the stone of the tower, Nadia stretched out languidly. She occasionally tilted her head to look out over the waste, but there was nothing interesting to watch today. Instead she watched the sky, sometimes there would be birds to watch and on days when there weren't she would shapes and stories about the clouds. Anything to break the monotony of watching the bleak landscape. With the warmth of the sun above and the stone below, she slowly drifted to sleep. Her eyes fluttering as she dreamed of perfect grassy plains filled with the animals she'd only seen in picture books. When she finally woke it was to high peals of laughter from the children below. Even from this height she could tell that Thomas and Damon were the instigators of whatever game was being played below. They were the ones chasing all the other kids around anyway.

Nadia turned her attention from below the waste and the distant black forest that covered the horizon. Once again, there was nothing to be seen. Anton wasn?t due to return until dusk, she had several more hours to wait for him to take over. She swung her feet over the edge and tapped the stone with her heels, continuing to stare out. It was then a glinting caught her eye. Something was catching the light and bouncing it back. She studied it curiously, her heart starting to beat faster. There had never been anything like that before. The random glittering turned into steady patterned flashes. Nadia jumped to her feet, hand over her eyes to shade the light and get a better look. It was still there, part of her had thought she was imagining it.

Then there was movement. At first it looked like parts of the tree branches were stretching out, but then it was something more, something much more. Large metal boxes appeared, she wasn't sure how they were moving and honestly it wasn't important. Because on the boxes, in the boxes, around the boxes, were people. Living, breathing people. A grin stretched across Nadia?s face, a grin so wide and hard that it made her cheeks hurt. This! This was something! Of the hundreds upon hundreds of days that she'd watched, there was finally something!

She fumbled with the white box at the base of the antenna. The lock just wouldn't open fast enough. The metal lid cracked loudly against the stone as she flung it open. A lone flare waited within and with a shaking hand she grasped it. She gave the metal boxes and their people one last glance, there were so many now coming out of the trees, coming towards them. She hadn't dreamed it, hadn't seen a mirage. Those were people.

With a joyous whoop Nadia light the flare and held it aloft for all to see. Finally, something was coming.
« Last Edit: November 06, 2019, 07:16:50 PM by morganwilson »

Grim Dreamer

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Re: Morgan- First Draft: The Day They Came
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2019, 10:37:03 PM »
I like this. There's a lot of internal thoughts, which is awesome for triggering reader emotions. I felt quite tense in the first paragraph, like I was waiting too.

songmaiden

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Re: Morgan- First Draft: The Day They Came
« Reply #2 on: November 07, 2019, 01:21:57 AM »
I really like this! And I want to know more--who are the people, where are they from, are they returning or only arriving? Nice work.

msocampowrites

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Re: Morgan- First Draft: The Day They Came
« Reply #3 on: November 07, 2019, 05:55:48 PM »
I really like all the details you included in this scene! You made such an expansive moment from that one photo!

SKaeth

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Re: Morgan- First Draft: The Day They Came
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2019, 01:44:29 AM »
Excellent job! So much to explore here, and yet you captured the waiting so well.