Second Draft: The Witch of Blue Ridge

[Erin Fulmer]

Here is my second draft: https://erinfulmerwrites.wordpress.com/2020/08/11/writerinmotion-self-edited-draft-the-witch-of-blue-ridge/

And here's my self-doubting sum-up:

I'm not actually convinced that it's better than the first try.

And that's the trouble with rewrites, at least for me. It feels like taking apart a complex piece of machinery and putting it back together with different pieces in a different order--in that it may not work at all anymore. I like this version better in some ways--it's closer to my original vision and the personal connection between the witch and the minister does add an extra punch, especially with the reveal at the end. But I suspect there is now an issue of inconsistent tone/voice between the first scene and the rest, and I'm not sure how to fix it.

What do you think?

[songmaiden]

Erin, I?m absolutely in love with this version. I love how you?ve really delved into the Witch?s abilities and how ethereal she is.

On a personal note, thank you, Witch of Blue Ridge. <3

[dankoboldt]

Lovely, lovely story. It's tighter and more immersive. Also, the lack of a name didn't bother me at all this time. I think you're right; she's better without a name. Nice work!

[Erin Fulmer]

Erin, I?m absolutely in love with this version. I love how you?ve really delved into the Witch?s abilities and how ethereal she is.

On a personal note, thank you, Witch of Blue Ridge. <3

Thank you! I'm so relieved it works. I think one thing this process has revealed to me is that I can happily spit out a first draft and feel good about it, but when I go to edit I get way too close and start second-guessing myself every which (witch?) way.

And from the witch, and from me 

[Erin Fulmer]

Lovely, lovely story. It's tighter and more immersive. Also, the lack of a name didn't bother me at all this time. I think you're right; she's better without a name. Nice work!

Thank you so much, Dan! I think she gave up her name when she went into the forest. She doesn't care for the person who gave it to her, after all.

[Vickywrites]

I really like the new beginning - it gives it an immediate supernatural air. And I LOVE the reveal at the end!

[Erin Fulmer]

I really like the new beginning - it gives it an immediate supernatural air. And I LOVE the reveal at the end!

Thank you, Vicky! Those were my two big changes so I'm relieved they worked for you!